wasnt so bad and UGH!!!!

so i had jury duty yesterday, though i was originally scheduled for may 9. last week i got a paper saying i had it for yesterdays date, so i went in and by me going in i got out of doing it on may 9. thought i would be there til like 2 or so. so my dad took the day off. i had left before maddy got up. about 945 i was dismissed...i was happy i didnt have to serve on the jury.  so i called my dad to let him know i was on my way home, and asked if maddy asked for me...he said no, thats a GOOD sign. that means she doesnt have separation anxiety and when she starts school she will be fine. i think my anxiety of leaving her for the FIRST time in her life was sky high because i wasnt sure if she would flip out that i wasnt here or what, but i was happy to find out she didnt care that i wasnt there. hell she didnt even notice i had come home til i had been home for a half hour.
    we have to move soon, i want/need to stay in the same city were in now. hubby wants to move out of the city/state. i have WAY too much to lose to do that, and hes not getting that. he doesnt understand that it takes FUCKING FOREVER to find drs for me and the kids. he wants to move back to fl, while yes the rent is MUCH cheaper, it takes FOREVER to get on state health insurance down there, it takes FOREVER to find drs I CAN TRUST, down there. when i lived there when mack was a baby, her dr ended up going out of business for MALPRACTICE. yeah, theres NOTHING walking distance down there. he doesnt get it, that if we move out of state, i have to give up my cats AGAIN. i did that when i left fl 9 yrs ago when mack was 4 (almost 5) and im NOT doing that again to another 4 yr old. it KILLED me to give up my cats the last time, its going to kill me more to do it again. he says theres nothing here for him, ok, so his father is nothing? his father is over 60 and has already had 2 FUCKING HEART ATTACKS. my dads pushing 60 (will be 59 this year) not only that i wouldnt be able to go see my mom, my aunt and my twin brother when i want. its a 20 minute walk for me now, and he wants to take me 1500 miles away. i told him i dont give a shit im not moving out of state. im not moving out of this city. theres WAY too much for me to lose. so we argued about it. im NOT moving out of this state or city. and we would have to have more than 6 grand to move to fl. which we DONT have, because he spent all of his taxes on misc stuff, the van was important, and so was food but everything else, NOT important. and paying our dads and his best friend money we owed them, but everything else NOT important. i try to save money, he spends it all. but whatever, i dont know what the fuck im talking about. theres no such thing as welfare or foodstamps down there, NONE WHATSOEVER. and he would have to get a job first down there and a place to live BEFORE we even fucking THOUGHT of it, not to mention id have to leave my SISTER. there ARE places up here we CAN AFFORD but he doesnt want to hear it, so fuck that, im done, not moving dont care what he says.