lots of stuff

ok, so i know its been quite a while since i posted here. lately my days have been crappy, like i can barely move type days, because of my dumb hips...every time i get up, they pop. its kind of annoying especially because they hurt a lot. brian hasnt worked in the last couple of weeks because of his ankle. hes going to have surgery on it on nov 17. he will be out of work and in a cast for 6 weeks then a walking cast for another 6 weeks, then physical therapy. i really hope he can get temporary disability. because his unemployment (he works and still gets unemployment to make up the difference, since he only works two or three days a week at 4 hours each shift) will be running out soon. i recently told mackenzie that she needs to step up and help out more because of my hips and brians ankle. i told her shes not going anywhere this weekend because shes gotta clean her room. i told her this past saturday that she needed to clean her room. she spent two hours in there and didnt really get anything done, so i went in on saturday night and in 45 minutes i managed to sort the clothes *hers, mine, madisons and brians and blankets, sheets, washcloths and towels* and throw some stuff away. the big thing was laundry. i need to have it all washed so i can go through it all and see what fits and what doesnt. i have a ton of clothes for my cousin sara whos due with her first baby in dec...its a girl. so im giving her everything madison outgrew that i kept.

laundry and barfing

so yesterday was MacKenzies first day of 6th grade. she likes it so far, and her teacher seems nice. well, Madison had woken up with an upset stomach, commence barfing, not sure what caused her to have an upset stomach, but she seems fine today. well last night i started to wash all the barfed on sheets, blankets, clothes, pillows etc...today i am finishing up the damn laundry. brian says he doesnt feel good, surprise fucking surprise, nevermind that i have a billion and a half things to do today, like clean the house (i admit ive been lazy, and havent cleaned in a while, i make him clean, and nevermind that he spent all last weekend in bed because he hurt his tailbone...oh waaaaah) give me a fucking break, i took care of a sick baby yesterday, who proceeded to barf all over my clothes, which if you read a post i made a while ago about NOT having clothes, you would understand how precious my clothes are to me. its kind of irritating that i have to clean the whole house (not including upstairs, just downstairs) and with my bad hips, its not fun. so not only do i have to wash, dry, fold, put away the clothes, i have to empty and refill and run the dishwasher, vacuum, take the dog for a walk, clean the desk, clean the bathroom, take out the trash, i have to watch Madison. its irritating because hes home, and yes Madison is taking a nap right now upstairs with him, but as soon as she wakes up, he will bring her down to me, instead. and it pisses me off. i pulled the single parent route before, and i swear im going down that path again. even when he is home, he doesnt help me take care of her. by time shes sleeping for the night its too late for me to shower, i cant shower during the day because of all the shit i have to do. i bitch and complain about it, and yet, it gets me no where, guess who wont be getting any anytime soon. last night because madison threw up on my bed, and all over my quilt, i had to freeze (we sleep with two windows open and a fan in one of those open windows) he took the blanket away, so i was freezing when i got up at 430 this morning, and ive been going ever since. i love how he get to sleep and i dont (not really, being sarcastic) it seems like everyone in this house gets to sleep but me, or how everyone gets to eat but me, yeah, im tired of it. he says "just eat ill take care of her" yet, when shes done with her dinner, i have to stop eating to clean her up. i give, i seriously give. guess ill never get to shower, have time to myself, eat or sleep anymore, oh and let alone going to the potty by myself, thats illegal in this house too. everyone else can go in privacy, but everytime i have to, people bother me. and its not just the kids, its brian too. i mean seriously, you have to bother someone when theyre in the potty, no one bothers him in there. no one bothers mack when shes in there, but yet, i cant go in peace. UGH! that is my rant for now

weight check

today madison had her weight check, after a month of being on a high fat diet, she has successfully gained a 1/2 lb. i know some people dont see that as a lot, but for madison it is. at her 15 month appt, she had lost an ounce  in a month and a half (her 12 mo appt was at 13 1/2 months). so the dr put her on a high fat diet last month, and said to come back for a weight check. she was weighed. at her last appt she was 18.6. today she is 18.14. ALMOST 19lbs. shes doing well on this diet. the dr also said to keep her on it, because it seems to be what she needs. she gets an extra cup of milk a day and an extra snack. so instead of 2 cups of milk a day she gets 3 and instead of 2 snacks, she gets 3, plus we use milk, cheese, butter, cream, anything dairy we use a large amount of for her

wedding plans

yesterday was quite interesting. brian had told me that we had a 12 noon appointment at a local bakery. didnt tell me why. i kind of figured it was about our wedding cake, but i didnt know we were going to be tasting cakes. well  we all agreed on one cake that we want. we brought the extra samples home, instead of having them toss the cake, we gave the samples to my dad, (his birthday is coming up, ill be making him a cake) and when he got home from work, we gave him the samples and he jokingly said "you guys dont have to go through so much trouble just for my birthday cake" we knew he was joking. it was a great surprise and madison was loving the champagne cake. and weve decided to go the fake cake route (styrofoam cakes with real sheet cakes to serve everyone, one cake on the fake cakes will be real and that will be mine and brians cake cutting ceremony cake) we have to do whipped cream frosting because there are going to be diabetics there and i dont want to raise their sugar high and make them sick, so whipped cream it is. and we cant have any chocolate because his best friend is allergic. we found that out the hard way when for his birthday i got him a chocolate cake, not knowing he was allergic and he ended up not feeling well. so no more chocolate for him. since my dad couldnt be there for the tasting, he has his own opinion on the flavor of cake, it will still be champagne, but with raspberry filling. we also have figured out how we want our wedding, where its going to be held, food, reception, and things like that. its going to be at one of my aunts houses in her backyard (she lives in the country) her sister (and my dads) will be marrying us since shes a reverand, we are also doing a potluck dinner, bbq style, pretty much summer foods, like summer salads, macaroni, potato, coleslaw, ect. chicken, burgers, hot dogs, things like that. i already have my dress, im borrowing it from one of my friends, its beautiful, ive tried it on, but i need to have it altered a little bit for it to fit my wide back. its strapless. we are NOT having a DJ, we will be bringing my stereo, for music, people can bring  cds if they want. my dad and my uncle (his only brother) will be holding shotguns. i highly doubt they will be loaded only because of the amount of children going to be there and i dont want any of them to pick the guns up. oh, and many people will think its tacky to have potluck and BYOB, but its what WE  can afford, and not only that it saves us some money. we are only supplying two bottles of champagne, that ONLY the wedding party will drink (less the kids) and everyone else can have sparkling apple juice (for toasting) well i did say i wanted it to be redneck, and this is as redneck as i can get since im not allowed to go totally redneck and get married in jeans and a t shirt, i was threatened if i didnt get married in a wedding gown, my clothes would be stripped off of me and burned, and that is a threat that will be carried through, if i dont get married in a dress, so tadah, instead of paying for a dress, im borrowing one. lol, thats about 400 dollars or so that i didnt have to spend, and its funny because i have about 5 dresses that were offered to me, and this one is the only one that fits the closest without having to cost too much to alter. the girl im borrowing it from said she will help pay the dry cleaning cost, which is good.

wanted to clean

so this morning, i got up on the grumpy side of bed (my side...lol) at 430. for absolutely no reason at all. everyone else slept til 7, not fair. well at a quarter to 8 i said "i need to go clean that hellhole of a bedroom of ours so i can move some things in there" so i go up, and cleaned madisons first since that wouldnt take long, then i headed to our room. i started to clean, i have a little room on MY side of the bed since thats where EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING ends up, kinda pisses me off. i moved all of the dirty clothes towards the door, and put stuff that was under the bed on top of the bed til i finish. well at about 10 my dad asked "do you need anything at the store?" so i went with him to get something for lunch and dinner (since today is grocery day, mac & cheese and hotdogs, simple) no problem, i figured brian would try to get some more of the room done while i was gone, NOPE! and when i clean i flip the room, everything gets pulled out and put on the floor so i can go thru it. i usually flip the bedrooms. its just easier that way the garbage is already on the floor and it can stay there. in just the two hours i was in my room, i pulled 3 garbage bags out filled with garbage, 4 spoons 3 bowls 2 forks and a plate, now the other day before i decided to clean my bedroom i pulled 6 bowls 8 spoons 7 plates 3 forks 8 glasses. NONE of them were MINE. yeah, kinda getting tired of it. he brings dishes up but doesnt bring them down so when we have NOTHING to eat off of, he goes "wheres all the dishes?" i tell him "in our room where YOU brought them" i would still be cleaning my room (when i flip it takes about 6 hours to clean til im satisfied with how clean it is) but everyone except me and maddy left to go to my aunts house to build a ramp for her spoiled dogs. now by time they get home, i will have already done the grocery shopping and the food put away, dinner made, and madison in bed. so i wont be able to get the any more of the room done. i cant clean with madison not being entertained, its just a pain when im trying to clean my bedroom with just me and madison here. and apparently i cant clean tomorrow either because apparently we have a 12 noon appointment at a bakery. i love how he does this shit without informing me or even asking me. oh and this bakery, yeah we have to walk to and yeah im going to be miserable by time i get home, because its a LONG walk. really not going to be a happy camper. so on our way home  i will probably be limping and whining and complaining, but hey, that will be his fault, not mine. i have no clue what we are going to go to a freaking bakery for, but im pretty sure he wants us to order our wedding cake from there, oh and he wants to get a freaking chocolate fountain to go IN the cake. yeah knucklehead, your best friend is deathly allergic to chocolate, didnt we learn that when i made him a chocolate cake, not knowing hes allergic? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. yesterday was an ok day cuz he was at work and i wasnt home, and i wanted to bring a rat home but i couldnt because the dogs breed  is a rodent hunter and i have cats, an im mad cuz i really wanted a rat. i realize you have to work, but when you come home all pissy dont take it out on me, its not my fault. and i realize this is the first job youve had in 11 months, but really, on your days off cant you spend time with your daughter instead of finding a way to get the hell out an stranding me here with her when you know that shes going to SCREAM when you leave. she hasnt seen you in three days, because when you leave shes sleeping and when you come home shes sleeping. how fair is that to her? its not and thats pissing me off too.

ima kill her part 2

oh, and she says i buy junk when i go grocery shopping, HARDLY! i rarely buy junk. i usually buy lots of good food, and sometimes snacks, we like to snack, but i dont buy too much junk food, i usually get nutrigrain bars or granola bars. my dad gets his ritz crackers and he also gets peanut butter crackers, those are his favorites, i dont really buy cookies or chips. i buy madison her own snacks, the gerber graduates ones. and she said that he goes over whining we dont have food, we do, i buy food to last us exactly 1 month. lots of meat, fruit, (canned and fresh) veggies (canned and fresh and frozen) yes i do buy ice cream in the summer, thats a summer treat, and i buy cones to go with it, because its a hell of a lot cheaper than going to the ice cream store to get a stupid ice cream and spend 5 dollars (thats an exaggeration, but you get the jist of it) yes occasionally we order out, its usually a party size pizza that lasts two days. soda, yes i do buy, usually pepsi, by the cube, usually a couple of those, even though i dont really get too many cuz brian drinks it, and leaves the cans around for me to throw away. but i digress, my cousin, whos mom is my aunt who passed away 13 yrs ago, said next time he sees her hes going to tell her off for treating me like shit. im the only cousin he talks to and we get along great, his fiancee loves me and we have the same opinions on stuff, like brians mother. seriously, im going to kill her. weve told her a MILLION times that i cant work because of my hips. just walking down to brians under the table job to get his money killed my hips and now im in pain. she doesnt see it as that she sees it as im being lazy. seriously, shes soooooooo needy. "i need help to walk home" "i need help to carry groceries home" "i need you to clean the rabbit cage" blah fucking blah. she has a "husband" if thats what you wanna call the lying cheating bastard, i hate him too, but i dont get any problems too much from him, its mostly his mother, and she said im controlling, ok, yes i do read brians email, he said i could, he has nothing to hide, i let him read mine. well she goes and reads her "husband"s emails and writes emails from his facebook, and no ladies, she is not on my facebook, his sister in law tried to request me but i said i didnt know her, haha, lazy bitch she is too. shes a controlling one too. his mother is pissed that i wont let her see the kids, well first, you treat me like SHIT, and two you dont even ACKNOWLEDGE MacKenzie. you only care about Madison, well guess what you fucking bitch, we have TWO kids not one. though Mack isnt his biologically, he calls her his. and damn they act alike, its really scary. they both have red hair too. Macks biological father had brown, i have blond with natural red highlights, but hers is red. yes, i hate his mother, and ima laugh when she dies and i go dance on her grave and say "take that bitch, to hell you go"

ima kill her

so brians mother is being a  bitch still, she got pissed off because we didnt stop to talk to her yesterday morning, um excuse me, we were on our way to an appt. and we didnt have time, and i dont stop to talk to her anyways. oh and she also said that hes not the one who should be paying for our wedding my dad is, well guess what you fucking bitch, welcome to the 21st century, we CHOSE to pay for our own wedding, so my dad didnt have to. we dont want my dad to because we live with him and he pays all the bills. oh yeah, im a control freak apparently, yeah ok, thats why he does what he wants, right? im such a control freak, more like shes a fucking asshole who needs to go crawl back into the hole she came from and never come out. oh, and shes not invited to our wedding, i dont care, its my day, not really his, right ladies? the only family he has going is one of his uncles and his dad, because everyone else decided they dont like me when they dont even know me. see, one of my aunts was friends with his mom, unfortunately that aunt passed away 13 years ago, and if she were still here, she so would not take the shit that his mother is saying about me. first off, i was her favorite niece, so therefore she wouldnt take any shit about what she says about me and would knock her into next tuesday. i swear next time she says something about me not working or calling me lazy, well see whos lazy...first off i CANT work, i have burcitits in my hips, it prevents me from standing or walking far, just walking to the dentist yesterday put me in pain, and thats a 10 minute walk. oh and she pissed because he goes over WHEN HE HAS TIME to go change the rabbit cage, well if you have enough time to bitch about it, then you have enough time to clean it yourself, shes the lazy one. gee, he has long shifts and short shifts at work, today is a long shift, he wont be home til after 7, he will come home, and see the baby and mack before they go to bed, after he finds something for dinner.

randomness

this is my favorite picture of them, even though madison was 11 months old in it. this was madisons first trip to the park. she loved every minute of it. well today i have to go to the dentist for a cleaning...yippie...not really...i hate going to the dentist, but it shows the kids if i can take care of my teeth and get them cleaned every six months, so can they. though madison hasnt been to the dentist yet. i give her one of her tooth brushes and she sort of brushes her teeth, kinda cute. in my family, its kind of rare to have most or all of your teeth in your thirties, but i have most of them, (both sides have bad teeth, my parents both had theirs taken out in their early thirties) ive only had 4 pulled i think and one was a wisdom tooth, i still have the other three. not bad, from what i hear, when one gets taken out they all come out, but i still have three of them. its 6 am and everyone but me and my dad are still sleeping. madison stayed in her own room last night. without even waking up to come to my room. she only comes in when she has a night terror or her teeth are hurting. plus its cool in there with the fan on and if she doesnt have warm pjs plus a warm blanket on, she wont stay. last night i put her in footless warm pjs, and put her warm winnie the pooh blanket on her and she stayed. the kids only have a few days left of their antibiotics from when they got impetigo. madison loves taking her medicine. i put the medicine in her dispenser thingie and stick it in her mouth and she sucks the medicine out, its the only way i can get her to take it, without her spitting half of it out.

never ending crankiness and other randomness

today was just a terrible cranky day...all day madison was cranky, if she got put down, she screamed, if she got picked up she screamed, naps didnt go to well today because of it. orajel is a good thing, but not when she bites while i put it on, and im the only one she will let put fingers in her mouth. UGH i felt ALL 4 MOLARS! three have broken thru, the last one is just sitting right there. to keep her entertained while her daddy left for work i let her play with the cordless phone. he works at macys, its great, after 11 months of looking he finally found a job. i cant work, damn it, i like working and providing for my kids, but because i have burcitis in my hips, i cant stand for long or walk long distances, and if i do, im in pain. and we are having another screaming fit. can someone please trade me back my happy baby. i dont like this screaming-whining-never wanting to be put down-wont take a nap-temper tantrum throwing little snot. a clean diaper with some powder, and shes good. never mind that she was just changed not an hour ago. she goes in next friday (the 20th) for a weight check to see if she gained anything while being on this high fat diet. oh and fyi, i dont buy anything low fat, fat free, i dont like the taste, and yes i am overweight, but i could care less. i am who i am, and if you dont like it shove it. im comfortable in my own skin, even if i am heavy. and sometimes i do lose weight, not a lot maybe a pound or two, it doesnt seem to affect me.  the only way i know if ive lost weight is if my pants start falling down (not that i have pants except 3 pairs of sweat pants and 4 pairs of pj bottoms and a pair of running pants.) all 3 pairs of jeans i have have holes in the butt, so i cant wear them, and the only pair of capris i had completely ripped yesterday across one leg, in the back, so i cant wear those anymore. those were my favorites. oh well, when brian gets paid, im getting some more pants, the man has like 18 pairs of pants, i have a total of 8. thats bad. oh and nevermind that hes got a million tshirt, he likes to steal mine, which means i pretty much have no clothes so im stuck either in pjs all day (not that i mind because i dont really go anywhere) or clothes i had on the day before. ahhh life goes on. (oh and i will vent on here about him...fyi, lmao, or his bitchy skanky mother)

rough start

this morning someone is being miss cranky pants. screaming, whining, ugh, everything you can think of. i think she got up on the wrong side of my bed. she sometimes comes into my room in the middle of the night screaming and crying (most likely night terrors). well she came into my room last night at about 1:30am. pushed my door open (we leave it open a little bit so she can open the door when she comes in) and screamed in my doorway. so, guess who had to get up, yep, me, cuz brian wont. kinda pisses me off. i like sleep but lack it, i dont get to take naps because everytime i TRY to close my eyes, people bother me, theres no sleep for me. so in the last 16 months i think ive gotten less than everyone in my house combined, kinda sucks, i like sleeping. i just dont know how to, my mind races a hundred miles a minute, and every second brian lays down claiming "im not sleeping" he really is. well it seems someone is in a better mood now, chasing a balloon around that i had gotten for my birthday (5 months ago, its one of those little mylar ones). she kicks it, then spins in a circle a couple of times, then kicks and spins...i dont know whats wrong with her, maybe a little play time with sissy upstairs did her some good. little booger.

chasing the cat

so my dog dunkin, loves to chase the cats. he loves playing with them. so does madison, she loves chasing them around the house, pulling tails and fur, giving hugs and kisses. my oldest daughter mackenzie is a great big sister, i had them 10 years apart, talk about starting over, huh...if i ask her to watch her sister so i can step outside for a moment, she does. i usually do all the cooking and changing of madison. but her daddy, brian, will give her a bath. we recently figured out how to get madison to play in the tub. we have to get in with her, let her sit in our lap, so she can be washed up then she will play. and then when shes ready she will get out and get ready for bed.
dont have much right now, so thats about it