more randomness

so thanksgiving came and went without a hitch. everyone loved my sweet potatoes. theres a penny social on sunday but i dont think im going because my whiney baby grandmother will probably be there. and if i do go, im not bothering with her. and then she will act all hurt and whine about that. shes the one acting like a baby, pissed because i wont give up my moms 25yr old cabbage patch kids...theyre twins and im not giving them up. if she wanted them so bad, she could have claimed them up to 6 months after mom died...not 4 yrs after the fact, so legally they are mine and i dont have to give them up. and im not going to. above are the pics. they have their original papers, outfits and even diapers. the only thing we dont have is the box. everything else is original. OMG madison is going to drive me bonkers...everytime a commercial comes on, she whines, like i can control it. or when the cable box acts up, she thinks i can fix it. theres nothing i can do about it. she also ruined ALL of her sheets because she drew on them with marker and pen. that shit doesnt come out at all. mack lost one of the brackets from her braces. so i called the orthodontist and they said it was ok, and theyll put a new one on when she goes to get her bottoms done, but i think they might do it on the 8th when she goes to get them tightened. hopefully my bestie will be coming down on saturday. the guys can hang and me and her can take the kids to the park or something. thats the plan anyways, hopefully her hubby doesnt be a jerk again like last weekend. she was supposed to come down last weekend but her hubby got mad and took the truck with the carseats.

random randomness

brian and i got into a fight last week because he was spending all his time at his mothers work, where he worked after his day job. and it pissed me off to the extent that i was going to take my rings off. AGAIN. he hates it when i take them off. i hadnt seen him in 3 days which means madison didnt see him in 3 days and it pissed me off. we were sleeping by time he got home, didnt see him in the mornings, because he left while madison was still sleeping. this morning he asked me to do his laundry, what do i look like? the housebitch? oh wait, i AM the housebitch. yeah, still not doing his laundry. i need to wash one of my fave sweatshirts but i cant because HE is wearing it. now it reaks of alcohol because he works at budweiser breaking glass bottles so they can be recycled. went to walmart to put stuff on layaway for the kids for christmas and my fil was with us (brian just got his learners permit so he drove out there and his dad was with us cuz i dont have a license) well, fil said "dont bother putting it on layaway, ill pay for it" didnt expect that. but got the kids a few things. theyll get more, so im not really worried about it. fil bought himself a 47" flat screen tv. he had won some money at the casino on saturday, so he could afford it. also fil bought madison a child sized recliner with a cup holder and its pink. he got that at the grocery store. i dont like madison standing on the rocking chair to put her movies in and pressing play, so she can stand on that and have it not move. yesterday dad asked "what are you making for dinner?" i said "i dont know yet" he said "spaghetti sounds good, what do you need for it?" since i only needed a few things, he went and got it for me. and we had spaghetti, my moms style, since thats the only way i know how to make it. and it always tastes like moms. think today will be roast beef since all we have in the freezer is beef. no more pork or chicken. haha. oh wait we have a pork roast but i dont want that. i dont have applesauce and i dont want to go to the store to get it. yep, im lazy. besides my hips have been bothering me. sunday madisons forehead met my front teeth. hurt too. i was swinging her by her pjs and flipped her up too fast for me to catch and she got my teeth with her head. she has a small bruise on her forehead and my teeth hurt all day, theyre fine now, and it was an instant headache for me. that wasnt fun.

AWESOME NEWS!!!!

dad got a phone call the other night. then he came into the living room to tell me, MY BROTHER IS A FREE MAN!!!! he has spent the last two and a half, almost three years in jail for supposedly molesting his twin girls, when they were two. he does NOT have to register as a sex offender, and i think hes coming home. he hopes to be home by thanksgiving. which would be freaking awesome. i havent seen my brother in 4 years. a few months before our mom died. he came home with his wife and girls in tow, so we could meet the girls, i have only met them that one time, and i threw them a birthday party because they were turning two the week after they came here. i have never met my nephew and he hasnt met his son. he was born a few weeks after my brother was locked away. we have had contact with my brother via snail mail. he basically will NOT have a criminal record. its been expunged. my brother found out hes been cleared of the charges the night before we found out. first person i told was my bestie. he will be allowed to live here because of his not having to register as a sex offender. if he did have to register then he wouldnt be able to stay here, only have supervised visits, which really wouldnt be a problem since im home anyways. this is great news, i have said all along he didnt do it. and i was right. i do have contact with my SIL. and i can see pics of the kids. and my nephew looks exactly like my brother. the girls are 6 and my nephew is 3. he will be 4 in jan. just over a year older than madison. mack went to the orthodonist yesterday to get molds done of her teeth and also to put spacers in. she has 4 all on the top molars. in two weeks she will be getting her top braces. i guess thats why they only put spacers on the top. since shes only getting top braces first. then when she goes to get her lower ones, theyll put spacers in on the bottom. madison said to me yesterday "pot" lol, she was asking for a lollipop. she knows what she wants. she was weighed at WIC the other day and shes twenty four and a half pounds and 33 inches tall. so yes, shes still small, and thats fine. with me. HOLY HELL, shes been sleeping for 12 hours. she went to sleep a little before eight last night and is still sleeping. can we say growth spurt? lol. im just happy about the news about my brother.

so ANNOYED!

so for the last few weeks, brian has been working with his mom taking care of some woman, hes only supposed to work 2 hours a day. he is getting paid for it, but yesterday just really pissed me off...she had asked if he could go in for 430, ok whatever, then she calls and asks if he could go in at 230. that set me off. thats an extra 4 hours madison didnt get to see her daddy. oh and she said she was paying him 25 dollars, yeah FUCK THAT. thats 4 hours that madison didnt see her daddy, and 4 hours i didnt see my husband, are you kidding me, we are newlyweds. yeah not even 4 months yet. her excuse for not doing HER JOB? SHE WANTED TO GO OUT! yeah i think not, brian and i dont get to go out, except ONE TIME, in the 3 1/2 years weve been together, we only went out once without kids. and yes i did enjoy spending time with my husband without kids. i never get to leave without at least one kid, today i have a WIC appt, tomorrow i bring mack to the orthodontist to get molds made of her teeth. and 2 weeks from tomorrow she gets her top braces. hes supposed to work from 7pm to 9pm. while shes there, then hes supposed to walk her home. fuck that, he doesnt get home til ten thirty. that pisses me off too. she has a husband, he can walk her home, but i think he would rather cheat on the psycho. thats not the point though, she needs to learn that he has a family and he doesnt see them much because of her. oh and everytime he brings madison to her house, she barfs. must be something there that she doesnt like, you know, like pyscho...lol.

parade and other things

so on oct 2 (this coming sunday) im going to the parade in north adams, meeting up with my bestie and bringing goulash and cupcakes and a special orange frosted one for her. hehehehe. i have clothes for her kids that i bought so ill bring that box. madison decided to decorate the box so her friends can see her great job. lol. i also have an orange lighter for her. i ordered the kids costumes last week, and theyll be here probably tomorrow. one is coming fedex and the other in the mail, which makes no sense because i ordered them from the same place at the same time and theyre both coming from the same city and state. theyre both witches. macks costume is orange and maddys is pink. mack is getting braces a month from today. just before halloween and shes pissed about it because she cant have gum, gummy candy, caramel, nuts, popcorn or anything like that, but the bonus is she wont be able to chew her fingernails. her nails are horrible because she bites them. i dont bite my nails, not sure where she gets it from. last night madison caught me painting my toenails for the first time ever in my life, so she insisted i paint her finger and toe nails, then her sisters...lol. so we all have painted toe nails and the girls have their fingernails done. i dont like my fingers painted. mack has to have braces. uppers and lowers. shes getting uppers first because of her overbite, if they put the bottoms on at the same time, she would bite them right off. so six months after her tops, shell get her bottoms done. shes doing orange for the tops for now, and the bottoms, im not sure. but weve got six months to figure it out. i figure the orange will go good with her hair. because in some lights her hair is orange and others its red. madison has been letting me put her hair up. and i trimmed her bangs last week, i got tired of her pushing them out of her face so i trimmed them. came out straight which is amazing. lol. she doesnt like staying still, so i had mack hold her arms and head still.

officially married

so saturday was the big day. FINALLY! i noticed myself that i have calmed down, im not snapping at anyone at all, other than madison who tends to push my buttons when im tired. it was a great day all in all. at 8 in the morning my maid of honor and i did a no rain dance. it cleared up and the sun came out in time for the ceremony, then it rained while we ate, cleared up for us to have our dance, rained, cleared up for us to cut the cake, rained, cleared up for us to take the quads to go change, and rained the rest of the afternoon. its amazing that it stopped when we had things to do. then rained after we did what we needed to do. we KNOW my mom was there in spirit, EVERYONE felt it. my aunt who was marrying us called me by my moms name which happens to be my middle name, i corrected her by loudly whispering "my name is becky, not susan" then she asked if she had called me susan and i said "yes" she apologized and was going to redo the parts she called me susan, but i said "just  keep going" lol. i had my hair in a french braid with little flowers and ribbon intertwined in my braid. brian had gotten sweat in his eyes, and everyone thought he was crying. i didnt cry. but thats because my bridesmaids and maid of honor were making me laugh. we brought the suits that were rented back yesterday, and brians so it can be cleaned. and yes i was a smart ass with the cake, i threw a piece at brian and got him AND my dad, so my dad threw some at me and got my dress...hahahaha....it really was a fun day. i really thought i was going to cry but im really surprised i didnt. i think its because i KNEW my mom was there in spirit. my grandpa, aunt, brother and other mom (two of the groomsmens mom) were there in spirit as well. since theyve all passed away. the rehearsal was pretty funny too. then again i was half blitzed on rum and coke, and my aunts dog was jumping at the plum tree trying to get a stick which he is no longer allowed to have because he had an accident last month where a stick got stuck in his throat so he had to have emergency surgery. we got married under that tree, which when i was a kid was my favorite climbing tree. when my aunt asked if anyone objected to us being married, she also added "my brother wanted me to say that if anyone objects he will get the shotgun" NOONE objected. LMAO. her brother is my dad. at the very last minute my back up photographer and ringbearer didnt show (turns out they were both sick) so we had one of my bridesmaids son be the ringbearer and since i have two digital cams, my cousin in law used one and my uncle used the other. the pictures came out great.

single digits now

we are now down to 9 days til the big day. im a ball of nerves. i lashed out at brian last night because i was so tired. i got up at 330 yesterday morning and had no nap at all, which makes for a very grumpy becky. i tried to get maddy down for her afternoon nap but she wasnt having it so she was whiney. we argued for a little bit, and i feel bad, but he knows if i dont get much sleep i get grumpy. everyone else in the house gets to sleep but me. i was asleep by 930 last night, which is unusual for me because if im that exhausted im usually out by 8. but i couldnt because madison wasnt sleeping by then and he was playing on the computer, which irritated me. i think once the wedding is done and over with ill be not so pissy. its mostly my nerves that drive my tude lately, and i know he doesnt like it, but i stress about way too much way too fast, but thats just how i am. i try to not let the stress get to me, but i cant help it. it doesnt seem like hes stressing much about it. i need to find a way out to whorles to pick up two picnic packs of meat...it contains hot dogs, hamburgs and sausage patties, which i will get sweet sausage. i dont like hot sausage, it irritates my stomach. mack is going to NYC tomorrow with my dad, my uncle, my cousin, my aunt and my gram til sunday. tomorrow will be the first night it will be just me and maddy all night. great, make my anxiety even worse. theres usually someone else in the house with us, but tomorrow night brian has to work and everyone else is going to NYC. i mean i know she will do fine, but my anxiety tends to make me worry about things which tends to make me NOT sleep. im thinking ill let mack take my NEW camera so she can take pics. ill even send a couple extra batteries. WTH heartburn from strawberries? WTF. thats new. lol...i just hiccuped and it tasted like strawberries. its been so peaceful since his mother hasnt called in get this 3 weeks. and if she has called i dont remember...lol. today its going to be tuna fish and chips for lunch, no clue about dinner. suppose i could take something out. since i went grocery shopping the other day, but its hot out and i dont want to turn the oven on. so maybe we will have egg salad for dinner. not sure. that would require me walking my fat ass to the store to get a jar of mayo. forgot it the other when i went shopping and i looked right at it. we only use hellmanns because thats what i was raised on and i like it better than anything else. meh, ill wake him up in a little bit and make him go...im good like that. just cuz i have so much to do here. like more flippin laundry. and its not even mine. oh well

10 days

holy crap, in ten days ill officially be married. where the heck has that year gone? i feel like ive been planning this thing by myself, though i know i havent. the only major things we need to get paid off are the cake and getting flowers. i have a cake person who is going to put real flowers on the cake along with the topper i picked. simple things. the flowers im just getting from the grocery store. the tent and tables are coming from a guy brian usually works with in the summer, and he said we dont have to pay him all at once and we can make payments when we can, hes really cool about it. im so exhausted, i dont sleep all that great, and dont get to take naps because no one will leave me alone! i tried to relax yesterday and all i heard was bickering between brian and mack and he kept sending the girls up to me. i dont bother him when he sleeps (except today because he said he wanted to go drop his tux off to get cleaned) like 45 mins ago. haha, you see what weve done, NOTHING. hes still sleeping. he hates when people mess with his ears, so what do i do to annoy him? mess with his ears. because its FUNNY! he messes with my ears, whats the difference? i hate when people mess with my ears or feet. i hate when people touch my feet, i hate anything on my feet. i dont like socks or shoes and only wear them if i have to. oh and bras too, i hate them. again only wear them if i have to. usually if im going out downtown, i dont bother because it will annoy the crap out of me. but if im going to someones house then i will. this past sunday brian and i practiced our vows with my aunt whos marrying us. and the part where i THOUGHT i might cry, i did. i didnt cry during the exchanging of the pretend rings, but rather the "til death do us part" part. because my mom wont be there. and i know she would be proud of me. so it wasnt sad tears it was more of happy tears if you want to call them that. crap, i still have to make some more table decorations and do a few more things for that. need to find the basket mack used in a wedding as flower girl for maddy. so she can use it.

memorial day

yesterday was memorial day. it was also the day we buried my grandpas ashes. and it would have been my grandparents 65th anniversary. after we buried his ashes, we went to one of my aunts houses and had eggs benedict. wasnt so bad, i shared my plate with maddy, as usual. then my gram said she had a couple surprises for the fam. couldnt imagine what it was. she showed some old pocketwatches and gold coins. my dad took the coins so he could see what they were worth. not sure how much they are worth. then she handed out envelopes, which we all knew what was inside,  it was from my great aunts lottery winnings. several years ago she won 1 million on a 5 dollar scratch ticket, and when she passed it went to one of her other brothers, he passed, so it went to another brother and when he passed it went to my grandpa, and now that hes passed my gram gets the payments, each one of their kids got 500. thats a total of 2500. 5 kids times 500, equals 2500. but my gram had an extra one, which confused me at first til she said it was for me, it wasnt 500, it was 100. which is very helpful. she was talking to one of my aunts and said that each of her kids got 500 and she wanted to give me a little something so she gave me 100. that was a complete surprise. then i went out to the van to have a cig and one of my other aunts asked how much i got and i said "100, why how much did you get?" she goes "500" i said "bitch" then we started laughing. shes the aunt i go grocery shopping with every month. after we left there, we stopped at walmart to pick up a few things, like diapers, a hose and nozzle so we can fill up maddys pool. she seems to like it. she was playing in it yesterday. without whining or screaming, which she does at bathtime. then as a mini honeymoon in august me and brian are taking off for the weekend to VA. by ourselves...lol. KID FREE! shes going to keep both kids that weekend for us. i really need that. im always around the kids and they drive me bonkers sometimes. but thats what kids do. theyre good most of the time. the other day one of macks friends got grounded because she said she didnt have anything to eat at her own house and came over to mine to eat dinner, she lied got caught and was grounded. good, she can be quite annoying. always asking the same questions. oh well. shes not allowed over here for a week. gives me a break for a week. lol. my nerves are slowly calming down. NOT MUCH but a little.

nerves

so in a month is the big day and my nerves are SHOT. i havent eaten lately, because when i get nervous i dont eat. brian made breakfast this morning, but i didnt eat much. if i eat a lot ill throw up, thats how shot my nerves are. im listening to some music on headphones to see if that will help mellow me out a little, probably not, but its worth a try. yesterday we got a card from one of my grandparents (the ones in vt) and it had 100 in it, so that helps out a little bit to get the little stuff we need to get. went to the family dollar last night to pick up some stuff for my bridal shower, its next weekend (the 4th) also got maddy a little inflatable pool for five bucks. so she has something to do this summer since i no longer will be letting either of the kids swim in the lake after last year. i want brian to go to the dollar tree with me but hes sleeping. hes been working a whole week. he works 11pm to 7am M-F weekends off. he works at polymatrix, which is a plastic manufacturing company. they make cd cases, game cases, dvd/blu ray cases. i hope psycho doesnt go. in fact i think brian told me she isnt going cuz she has no way to get there. GOOD! dont want her there anyways. last week we had some major switching around of the bridal party. my matron of honor couldnt get out of work early enough to make it, so i bumped up one of my bridesmaids and got her other sister as a bridesmaid. so now my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids (ive known them both for 20 years) are throwing my bridal shower. its only on my dads side thats going. and my bridesmaids mom is making my shower cake. WHOO HOO. its funny because her mom and my dad went to school together then me and her went to school together. we even had the same dream one night on the same night with the exact same details. it was hysterical. we went to school the next day and described the dream to each other and we were filling in for each other with the details. her gram is going to my shower, cuz my bridesmaid said that i would be very upset if she didnt go...shes like my own gram. her grandpa is funny. he used to call me his girlfriend everytime i went over to her house. or i would call her. we are still in contact and i always told both of them if i ever got married they would both be in the wedding. and they are. i made that promise and i kept it, i couldnt leave my two best friends/sisters out. my maid of honor said that if she meets the right guy and gets married ill be in her wedding. shes a trip. the reason its only my dads side going is because its at my bridesmaids house and my moms side has no freaking clue where it is...lol...little hilltown, called huntington. thats where we went to school together and met. snapshot is still taking my pics for the wedding. i cant wait. but i really am getting extremely nervous. instead of me buying cake and bringing it to the lady to decorate it, shes just going to make it, and it will cost a LOT less than it would if i brought her the cake and such. lol. it wont cost 150 for it. she said since its going to be under 50 people itll be easier for her to make it herself. shes gonna put edible glitter on it. awesome! real carnations. i dont like roses, and since tulips are a spring flower they would be more expensive in the summer we went with carnations. im making the bouquets and boutonierres, myself. already have the table decos done, gonna get fake flower petals to deco the tables with too, other than the candles. and so maddy can throw them on the ground with her sisters help. ok, music is helping my nerves a very tiny bit. think thats it for now

it was a GREAT day yesterday!

spent the day at my best friends house. the kids had presents they needed to exchange, so up to her house we drove. an hour and a half away. madison got sick in the car but was fine by time we got there. she had fun playing and running around with her kids. they liked the presents we got them and madison loved the presents they got her. lots of pictures were taken, by her since my camera is completely dead. brian and my dad had another guy to hang out with, the kids were playing together all day, and me and her had time to chill out while watching the kids. we even made the men watch them for a little bit. it was a great day. we brought the dog with us. her cats werent too thrilled about it, but her son loved having him there but her daughter didnt, she was afraid of him. but thats ok, maybe as we hang out more and more she will get used to having the dog around and having fun and playing with him. her son took her daughters doll and carriage and was playing with that for a little bit, then she played with for a little bit. they played on the broken down toy jeep that someone had to push. they loved it. they shared and her kids actually talked a little more than normal. dunkin tried getting at her rabbit, but luckily he was in his cage so dunkin couldnt get him. im still worn out from yesterday. it was great getting out of the house for a while. had a great lunch, steak, hot dogs and hamburgers, macaroni and pasta salads, the kids really had fun. which was good. i like that theres a couple of kids madisons age she can play with even if it is a few times a year. this was actually our second meeting, on her turf. next time will be on my turf at my wedding. im sure the kids will have a blast then too. they will have so much room to run around in (huge giant field to run in) horses to see, goats to see, dogs too. plus food and music. hopefully it will be nice out so we dont have to have the ceremony in the garage. even so we will have a tent, so whatever. im probably just worried over nothing, but im also getting nervous because its two months away. this lady who has my dress needs to bring it back to me. i really need to have it here. we brought her son a thomas the tank engine toy, and when he woke from his nap, he loved it. madison came home with a toy kitchen which is outside and a doll high chair, a pair of sneakers an outfit a doll and two pairs of pants. she loves it all. she even slept with her new baby doll last night til her teeth woke her up screaming. then i put orajel on her paci, stuck it in her mouth and she went back to sleep in my bed.

damn it

so today is madisons birthday, the big 2. and you would think that that would be important enough for asshole to stay home instead of going job hunting, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. job hunting is MORE important than his daughter. oh and not to mention i told him LAST NIGHT that i wanted to finish cleaning our room. yeah apparently HIS NEEDS AND WANTS ARE MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT. so it is day 1 of the silent treatment, and he will know im pissed at him by time he comes home because i havent said a damn word to him since he decided he needed to go TODAY. just mumbles under my breath. yep, im done talking to him, think he will sleep on the couch tonight and hes not getting any for a while. fuck it, theres no point anyways. oh and nevermind that its fucking sleeting out. job hunting can be done TOMORROW when its NOT madison birthday and its nicer out. fucking asswipe. so now i get to deal with a very unhappy 2 yr old. because her daddy couldnt stay home. i told him that it could wait, and to stay home today, his excuse "im always home" i said "no, actually YOURE NOT, I AM" im am just rip shittin pissed today. and of course i have good reason too.

LAZY LAZY LAZY

for real? you make eggs for breakfast and put the eggshells in a frying pan from last night. really, the garbage can is less than 10 feet from you. i have a TON to clean before saturday, yes in two days. it doesnt help any when no one can do the stupid dishwasher. so now not only do i have to take care of the laundry thats FOLDED on the couch, i have to completely clean the flipping living room and kitchen. because some people cant do it. so while hes out looking for a job, i have to do this AND take care of a temper tantrum throwing toddler. yeah say that one five times fast. luckily that toddler who will be 2 on monday, is laying down on the living room floor on a blanket with a couch pillow, another blanket on top of her, plus 3 blankies, a cup of milk, a cup of juice, a baby doll and a fur real friends baby chipmunk, that she tries to feed, while im boiling eggs for lunch, for egg salad, not that i actually expect madison to eat the bread. she will only eat PLAIN bread as long as theres nothing on it unless its toast then she has to have butter and peanut butter on it. other than that, she wont eat bread unless its right out of the bag. little weirdo. well my new best friend cant come to the party since her truck is broke and her husbands car is broke and there is no other vehicle available for her to use. DAMN IT. guess she and i will have to do a meet up just to exchange the kids presents...when her truck is fixed. i will bring her kids goody bags when we do a meet up. damn shame she cant make it, i was looking forward to seeing her again. now i have a bigger mess to clean up. grr...plus have to clean out the stupid toy box because people like to throw dirty clothes and stuff thats NOT toys in it. kinda pissing me off. i swear i know im lazy but i have an excuse, my hips constantly hurt, but everyone else EXCEPT my dad. dad works 10 hours a day 5 days a week, then does side jobs. like today hes going to help his friend with his truck. the ignition is shot. the key just spins in the ignition. yeah, but still, really cant clean up after yourself, youre almost 30 for freaking  crying outloud. im not your mommy, and shes a pyscho.

blech...sickness hit this house last week

the house to myself, so why is it i have all these things to do? clean the living room, fold mountain of flipping laundry, thats been growing for 4 days, finish laundry out on the porch, and flip clean my hellhole room. oh and run to the store in this freezing weather...yuck. omg shes at it again, fucking pyscho, already called twice today. yeah, NOT answering the phone. she will live. obviously if brian doesnt answer hes not home and she KNOWS i wont answer the phone. really, i mean, we have lives and they dont revolve around her. so anyways, the day after my birthday, we all got sick, well me, brian and dad did. we all threw up and pissed out our asses. NOT fun, but i had it bad, brians wasnt as  bad as mine, and well dads was not as bad as mine either, but he was at my aunts house, so i didnt see him get sick, but he told me he did. my big mouth 12 yr old told him about the camera being dead. damn her, i was going to lie to him. then again, he would have found out the truth anyways. madison was sick two days prior to the rest of us getting sick, EXCEPT mack. not fair. pepto bismol and gingerale were my best friends those two days. thursday and friday i was sick, got better just in time for the weekend. i cant wait for next saturday, my new best friend is coming over for the party. we text almost every day, or talk on fb. but only seen each other once, three weeks ago, i think, wow. yes it has to be two or three weeks, because my camera died that same day thanks to kids dunking it in hot cocoa. little brats, but i still blame brian. has to be two weeks ago, because we met up the day i got my food stamps. so yes two weeks ago. lol...wow that was totally random thoughts there...lol...i cannot believe in a week im going to have a 2 yr old. CRAP, where did the time go? stupid stereo keeps skipping songs. nothing like a little AC/DC in the morning. another thing to do on the wedding front, burn cds, including one that has the wedding march on it. damn it, we already decided our song is going to be "amazed" by lonestar. love that song and i dont really like country...lol...well more like I decided that was going to be our song. oh, pants would be good for me to put on (relax im in pjs bottoms, you pervs...lol) to go to the store, but they needed to be washed because when you piss out of your ass, things happen. my pjs bottoms have scottish terriers on them...lol...isnt it funny, i got these pjs before i got dunkin who happens to be a scotty. lol...must find one of my favorite tshirts...JR. lol...so i can wash my sweatshirt of JR. no, i dont like JR at all...LMAO. madison is a nut, she put catfood in my jacket pocket, though im not sure why? little weirdo, she takes after her daddy. this past wednesday was the big 33rd birthday for me. and i wanted my birthday sex, well he fell asleep before i could get any, so in july when he hits the big 3-0, hes NOT getting any...lol. how many more times do you think she will call? i vote 100.

i actually had fun

yesterday we celebrated my birthday on my dads side, it was awesome. ive never had THAT much fun up in the country (same place my wedding is going to be). for the very first time in 16 years i actually got on an ATV. i had a few bad experiences on a trike, thanks to my brother. whenever i wanted to ride, he would drive and purposely go through the field and find all of the holes and make me fall off, even when my dad put a seat on the back for me. it just made it easier for my brother to make me fall off, jerk. well anyways, i was kind of worried about driving macks quad, but thought, might as well get it over with, and if i dont like it i dont have to drive it ever again, well, i drove it and had a flipping blast. couldnt get me off the damn thing. lol. i even took maddy for a ride, but she didnt like it, probably because of the noise. and she was good all day even WITHOUT a nap. in total for my brithday so far, just from my dads side, i got 41 bucks. NICE. i got ten in the mail on saturday from my gram (the one that just lost my grandpa last month) yesterday i got a check for 25, awesome, so i signed it over to my dad and he gave me the cash and my dad got me three scratch tickets. he spent 6 dollars (they were 2 apiece) and on one i got 4 bucks and another 2, lol, so i got 6 bucks. lol. so it was a great day even though i had a slamming headache all day and i had been up for many many hours. me and my new best friend were texting throughout the day. it was great. stopped at the store to get cigs on our way home, and i was carded, of course the ONE time i DONT have my i.d. i get carded. son of a bitch. i mean i realize i dont look my age, but i certainly dont look under 27. by time we got home last night at seven thirty, i was exhausted, so i dragged my butt up to bed, and i was out before 8. and slept til 4. yes, a whole 8 hours, i dont even remember madison coming into our room, but maybe she never left our room, i dont know, i was just too tired. i know i turned on the tv and was starting to watch an episode of SVU, and beyond that i dont remember anything. i feel so energized this morning, and not grumpy. maybe i just needed a day of fresh air to wear me out so i could sleep. normally i dont get out of the house because i have so much crap to do inside, that it was nice to get out for ten hours and it was a beautiful day out yesterday. so i spent the majority of it outside, took a couple walks, with madison, but up there its mud country so we brought along her new trailer/stroller. she loved it. she got all dirty and muddy, but its a good thing i ALWAYS bring a change of clothes AND a pair of pjs for her. by time we left, she was already in her pjs so i didnt have to fight her to get her into them when we got home, and she fell asleep in the van, on the way home, woke up when we got home i took her jacket off and she went back to sleep. i dont know if brian put her in her own room or not. because by time he got up to bed, i was already asleep. and most times if i fall asleep before him, and if im so tired that i just go to sleep without even realizing it, just because of sheer exhaustion, i dont take my glasses off. so he ends up taking them off for me. i know he took them off last night for me, because i was just done. so fun...every weekend they go up there, theyre going to take maddy with them, because i have cousins who will watch her, so i can have time to myself. i need that occasionally too. usually when its just me in the house, i stay in bed and watch tv, i usually get sundays to myself so i can watch the entire race in peace. its great. i think next sunday brians going back up to help with sugaring, it will be the last week for it, so he will take maddy and i will be left all by my lonesome...LMAO.

holy cow

today is dont piss off becky day...its a day that is suited to me today. im running on very little sleep, and that tends to make me very grumpy. so anyways, pyscho called and asked if brian could "work" but we know it means "babysit" so he wont get paid. well, he TRIED to tell her she needs to give more notice, not an hour and a half, so i yelled, yes YELLED, "HE HAS A FUCKEN LIFE LET HIM FUCKING LIVE IT" to paraphrase. lmao. she did not like it. and i dare her to say anything to brian about my attitude or even attempt to talk to me, because that will also be a frozen day in hell. ok so my day just got an eensy bit better, im talking about birthday cards, and in one of those cards contained some money...lol...10 dollars just totally made my day better...lol...i wonder how much more ill get tomorrow when i go to middlefield for a party just for me. lol, prolly nothing, but hey i like getting birthday cards early...lol...since wednesday is my big 33rd birthday...money is money is money and if his mother didnt wanna pay him to go "babysit", then why do it? oh and get this...i want to know how she would be able to pay me back if i bought her a frozen lasagna if she didnt have the money to pay brian? yeah, if she has the money to buy a frozen lasagna then she can go do it her damn self, fucking lazy whore. one of the cards, not the one that contained the 10 dollars, my uncle wrote his name. hes so funny. it was from one of my aunts (one of his sisters) so he signed his name. silly. he calls me a beaut, when i was younger i was a yard ape. im not sure where he came up with that one but we were always outside playing so i guess thats where he got it. hes the youngest of 5. yes, 5, i had to think for a second. my mom was the middle of 6, yep, got that right. and its funny because on both sides the youngest is a boy and there are only two boys on each side. on my dads side for boys its dad and my uncle on my moms side its my two uncles.

REALLY? are you serious?

bahahaha, his mother called this morning (yep, surprise surprise) and wanted to know if I had any money left on my food stamps. well as a matter of fact, YES I DO THANK YOU VERY MUCH...she only wanted to know because she wanted me to buy her a frozen lasagna for dinner and she would pay me back, yeah thats gonna happen in frozen hell. she must be on crack. first off why would i take food out of my kids mouths to feed her, and second, she wont pay me back anyhow. so yeah NOT doing that one. why should i be nice to her when she treats me and mack like shit. yeah im not stupid, i may be blond but definately not stupid and i know when im getting screwed over. dinner turned out great last night, corned beef, cabbage, carrots, and potatoes. we had 2 extra guests over for dinner last night, my aunt whom i take grocery shopping every month and brians dad. i only wish my new best friend was here for dinner with her kids. that would have been even more fun. we decided yesterday we were best friends. we have so much in common and maddy and her two kids are around the same age. we have met, and the kids were weary of each other, not sure what to think, but weve only met once. we will meet again for madisons birthday party. and shes going to be my photographer for my wedding. so cant wait. really need to get some more funds for that. if only brian hadnt spent it on things not related to the wedding, but on the plus side brians dad said when we figure out how much more we need he will give it to us. the man is a saint, let me tell you. he saved Christmas for us last year by giving us money for gifts for the kids and we even managed to have some left over to buy him something. well its official, my camera is dead. DAMN IT. i loved that thing. guess its time to fess up to my dad and tell him one of the kids put it in hot cocoa on monday. damn it. mack blames maddy, maddy cant blame mack cuz she doesnt know, i mean shes not even 2 yet. but i can blame whoever i want and i choose to blame brian because instead of paying attention to what they were doing while i went to the store, he was on the computer. so its his fault. he wont own up to it, but it is his fault. then he gets pissed at the kids for something they shouldnt be doing when hes supposed to be watching them. he gets mad at the baby when she gets into something shes not supposed to or doing something shes not supposed to because he would rather pay attention to the computer or his stupid video games. JERK. me on the other hand can multi task. right now the baby is sleeping and when she wakes up its lunch time. after that play time and when her father gets home from therapy, which i hope is soon cuz i need a nap, i will take a nap, maybe. depending on when he decides to come home. if its after 2 i cant nap, but anytime before then i can. weird. so waiting for a package. or maybe 6 who knows i like surprise packages especially things i forgot i ordered and they come or things ive won and they come, kind of neat.

shes stupid

so she called again last night, of course we know im talking about brians mother. woke up a just falling asleep madison, pissed me off. she wanted brian to go "babysit" today and he told her "no, we have things to do, i have 3 appointments tomorrow, and i cant do it, get over it" while i was laying right there. good job. lol. well she called while we were at our first appointment for the day (we only really had two, but one i figured he could do on his own and thats meeting up with his dad, ok more like hitting his dad up for cash for madisons birthday present from him, a bike trailer, the one we got last year, she already out grew) so before he left to meet up with his dad, brian called her back and told her AGAIN that he couldnt do it we are busy and we have plans, and hes tired of changing his plans to go help her. well he is, and im tired of it too. last night when she called, i was laying right next to him, but yelling "fuck off, get a life, learn to take her with you, get over yourself, he has a family" yada yada yada. yeah she didnt like it. and she had the nerve to get pissed when he told her no. what a fucking baby, cuz she cant have her way, shes gotta have a fit. madisons is more mature than she is. holy hell. i swear she starts anything at the wedding, im throat punching her and i know at least one other that will too...you know who you are...lol...ok maybe about 3 others that will along side me. oh yeah if you havent figured out that im using this blog as a vent, haha, well now you know...lol. see he doesnt like it when i yell at him, but sometimes thats how i have to get thru to him. and well it actually worked because im the one who told him to tell his mother no and we have things to do. she needs to learn he has a family and his own life. oh, and she hasnt liked me since i got preggo with madison before that i was ok with her.

OMG! shes going to get throat punched

of course im talking about brians mom. fucking psycho she is. for the last 3 weeks shes called EVERY day, several times a day wanting brian to go "babysit" the woman she takes care of if she needs to run errands. she doesnt pay him, so i told him to tell her to fuck off and she needs to take this woman with her when she needs to run errands. her excuse "i cant push her, she weighs too much" the woman cant weigh more than 100 lbs. like seriously. so today he told her a million times he would be over AFTER lunch, because hes tired of not being able to eat with his family, good job on his part, shes a bitch and guess what he doesnt get to do yet once again. eat with madison. yeah. she sees him leave and doesnt understand that he will be back soon, so she stands there and screams and cries because her daddy is leaving AGAIN. and i get to deal with a temper tantrum throwing 23 1/2 month old. fun times. thank god its almost lunch time then after that is a nap. his mother needs to learn to take no for an answer, i dont give a shit, he has a family of his own. hes been trying to spend time with us but she wont let him because she has to have her way. talk about a bitch. so next time i see her (i always try to avoid her) my fist is going to meet her throat. cant junk punch her since she aint got nothing. shes called 3 times today, really, 3 all within 30 mins of each other. she needs to learn not to call. she has another kid, which surprise surprise she has nothing to do with and if she keeps it up she wont have anything to do with brian. its not fair to him when weve got a billion things to do. he told her this morning before we left for his dentist appt that we had things to do. she is so fucking stupid its not funny. i think she was dropped on her head way too many times as a baby, or maybe not enough, im not sure. when God handed out brains she didnt get any. ok, brian is a little slow but shes a lot slower and a lot stupider, trust me on this one.

well gee

ok, i really wish it would stop raining. i really dont like it raining in my room, really i dont. damn roof. madisons a cranky butt, im a cranky butt, only because i dont get to sleep in or get a lot of sleep. shes napping right now, how long will that last? ha, not long. then shell be into everything. she got mad at me earlier because i popped her leg (it was the closest part to me) for grinding her teeth. GUH! i hate that sound. dumbass, i mean brian has therapy today and then he goes to work tonight, EVEN THOUGH my dad TOLD him to stay home tonight because of the shit roof. i realize shes got teeth coming in but grinding them, REALLY? its worse than fingernails down a chalkboard. GUH! yeah i like that word today. today would have been my birthday if i didnt decide to be born 16 days late...yeah im a march 23rder. lol, not even a real word, dont care. watched the race yesterday, soooooooooooooooo glad JR came in 8th better than DNF last two races thanks to truex...asshole. and im soooooooooooooooo happy that jeff gordon had a DNF. hes an ass too. then again, my personal opinion. so dumbass decides we need all the towels we have in the house in our room to help soak up the water as its raining in my room, nice dumbass, now i cant shower. GUH! oh and not to mention someone was whiney during dinner last night because her teeth are coming and guess who didnt get to eat HOT food, and guess who did...if you guessed i got ICE COLD food, then you would be right, because he apparently thinks his food is more important than seeing what is wrong with madison. JACKASS. so i ate ICE COLD pork chops and ICE COLD noodles. yeah, GROSS. then he said he would warm up my food, yeah i had applesauce on my plate, i dont like warm applesauce, and he didnt warm it up anyways, he was in the attic with dad trying to bail water out of the pans that were placed under the roof to catch water. WHO DOES THAT? so it they kept filling up cuz it was raining ALL day yesterday, and it was irritating. yeah, so the towels are now in the wash, which means, I get the finish the damn things. nevermind i did 3 loads of laundry yesterday and i can tell ya NONE of it was mine. the kids mostly. even though i told mack that she needs to start doing her own, shes 12 and old enough. hell i was 7 when i started doing my own laundry, i was also 7 when i started cleaning and cooking. uh huh, LONG TIME. ima throat punch him one of these days. it was nice that dad took the kids with him to middlefield, yes he even takes maddy now. because shes old enough to go with him (he wont take the kids if theyre under 18 months old) it was only nice cuz it was quiet, and me and brian got it on a couple times, but besides brian driving me bonkers, yeah, it was nice. he decided that we are having sweet sausage grinders today, so besides doing laundry i have to make the sauce. because i will only use sauce I MAKE guess we will do it backwards, usually i use leftover sauce for the sausages, this time its backwards, so spaghetti tomorrow. DUMBASS.

been a long time since i posted...hmmm

so we have pretty much figured out most of the wedding plans, i have my dress out being altered right now, cost me 100 bucks, when i get it back it will be cleaned. i already have the invites, not printed out yet, but im getting there, need to get ink. brian has his tux, we have the guys all fitted, i have to figure out what type of dress im going to use for my side, i already have madisons dress and macks dress, but other than that, thats it. im making the table decorations. and i made mack and maddy hair clips, even though i know maddy wont keep them in. what pisses me off is, i started with 800 for wedding money, not including our rings which we already have and his tux cuz he paid for both of those himself, and now i have nothing, he spent most of it on stuff NOT related to the wedding, i think i spent maybe 300 of it on the wedding. things like the invites, stuff to make the table decorations and hair clips, and the alterations for my dress, now i have to come up with money to have it cleaned. great...what a jackass. plus 125 for my cousins suit and 65 for one of his friends suit cuz we are paying for my cousins and half of his friends. everyone else is paying for their own. in nov of last year he had surgery and is now in physical therapy, and its very annoying when hes home, because most days he says "im bored" and i reply, "welcome to my life, now take care of your kid" yesterday, he had therapy, then went to his whore of a mothers house, and then after dinner he went next door to help the guy that just moved in work on the house, hey asshole, your kid hasnt seen you since 9 this morning, take care of her, shes been a snot since she woke from her nap. ugh. that was yesterday, today is a new day and i bet he will pull the same shit. dont know what hes going to do tomorrow, he has therapy and i have a dentist appt. hes going to have to go with me to the dentist cuz i cant bring madison there and leave her alone, im not stupid or irresponsible. and hes all pissy cuz i MADE him go to the dentist, so now hes costing me money to get fillings. hes got 7 of them. yeah, thats bad, and my insurance doesnt cover fillings anymore so the one i have to get tomorrow i have to pay out of pocket for. he has to go twice a month to get these fixed. if he learned to take care of his teeth he wouldnt have this problem and if he learned NOT to eat so much sugar he wouldnt have this problem. he whines that his teeth hurt, well, not my problem, now it is, because i have to pay out of pocket to get his fillings. the first one is going to be on the 14th and its going to cost 108. mine cost 58 for one and thats my insurance price. yeah, my dentist is only charging me what they would charge my insurance. ahhh well...kind of irritates me because right now i have to pay his bills, i cant wait til he starts bringing home 500 every two weeks, cuz then he can give me more money and i can finalize everything with the wedding. granted its 3 months away, but its ONLY 3 months, not a lot of time. specially with everything i have to do still. we are getting our cake from a grocery store bakery because thats cheapest and ill decorate it myself. saving $$. i cant justify spending 700 on cake, for real, ill spend the 80 dollars on a cake that will serve everyone and i can decorate it myself. oh thats another thing, he keeps adding people to the list, so it went from 65 to about 80. yeah, people ive never heard of or anything, at least the people i have on my side ive mentioned. geez. i told him, if they want to come then theyll have to pay for their own shit. because i cant afford that. im providing everything. oh and were now getting a half keg cuz my dad requested it. yeah well whatever. hes going to help pay for that. so thats good