single digits now

we are now down to 9 days til the big day. im a ball of nerves. i lashed out at brian last night because i was so tired. i got up at 330 yesterday morning and had no nap at all, which makes for a very grumpy becky. i tried to get maddy down for her afternoon nap but she wasnt having it so she was whiney. we argued for a little bit, and i feel bad, but he knows if i dont get much sleep i get grumpy. everyone else in the house gets to sleep but me. i was asleep by 930 last night, which is unusual for me because if im that exhausted im usually out by 8. but i couldnt because madison wasnt sleeping by then and he was playing on the computer, which irritated me. i think once the wedding is done and over with ill be not so pissy. its mostly my nerves that drive my tude lately, and i know he doesnt like it, but i stress about way too much way too fast, but thats just how i am. i try to not let the stress get to me, but i cant help it. it doesnt seem like hes stressing much about it. i need to find a way out to whorles to pick up two picnic packs of meat...it contains hot dogs, hamburgs and sausage patties, which i will get sweet sausage. i dont like hot sausage, it irritates my stomach. mack is going to NYC tomorrow with my dad, my uncle, my cousin, my aunt and my gram til sunday. tomorrow will be the first night it will be just me and maddy all night. great, make my anxiety even worse. theres usually someone else in the house with us, but tomorrow night brian has to work and everyone else is going to NYC. i mean i know she will do fine, but my anxiety tends to make me worry about things which tends to make me NOT sleep. im thinking ill let mack take my NEW camera so she can take pics. ill even send a couple extra batteries. WTH heartburn from strawberries? WTF. thats new. lol...i just hiccuped and it tasted like strawberries. its been so peaceful since his mother hasnt called in get this 3 weeks. and if she has called i dont remember...lol. today its going to be tuna fish and chips for lunch, no clue about dinner. suppose i could take something out. since i went grocery shopping the other day, but its hot out and i dont want to turn the oven on. so maybe we will have egg salad for dinner. not sure. that would require me walking my fat ass to the store to get a jar of mayo. forgot it the other when i went shopping and i looked right at it. we only use hellmanns because thats what i was raised on and i like it better than anything else. meh, ill wake him up in a little bit and make him go...im good like that. just cuz i have so much to do here. like more flippin laundry. and its not even mine. oh well