nerves

so in a month is the big day and my nerves are SHOT. i havent eaten lately, because when i get nervous i dont eat. brian made breakfast this morning, but i didnt eat much. if i eat a lot ill throw up, thats how shot my nerves are. im listening to some music on headphones to see if that will help mellow me out a little, probably not, but its worth a try. yesterday we got a card from one of my grandparents (the ones in vt) and it had 100 in it, so that helps out a little bit to get the little stuff we need to get. went to the family dollar last night to pick up some stuff for my bridal shower, its next weekend (the 4th) also got maddy a little inflatable pool for five bucks. so she has something to do this summer since i no longer will be letting either of the kids swim in the lake after last year. i want brian to go to the dollar tree with me but hes sleeping. hes been working a whole week. he works 11pm to 7am M-F weekends off. he works at polymatrix, which is a plastic manufacturing company. they make cd cases, game cases, dvd/blu ray cases. i hope psycho doesnt go. in fact i think brian told me she isnt going cuz she has no way to get there. GOOD! dont want her there anyways. last week we had some major switching around of the bridal party. my matron of honor couldnt get out of work early enough to make it, so i bumped up one of my bridesmaids and got her other sister as a bridesmaid. so now my maid of honor and one of my bridesmaids (ive known them both for 20 years) are throwing my bridal shower. its only on my dads side thats going. and my bridesmaids mom is making my shower cake. WHOO HOO. its funny because her mom and my dad went to school together then me and her went to school together. we even had the same dream one night on the same night with the exact same details. it was hysterical. we went to school the next day and described the dream to each other and we were filling in for each other with the details. her gram is going to my shower, cuz my bridesmaid said that i would be very upset if she didnt go...shes like my own gram. her grandpa is funny. he used to call me his girlfriend everytime i went over to her house. or i would call her. we are still in contact and i always told both of them if i ever got married they would both be in the wedding. and they are. i made that promise and i kept it, i couldnt leave my two best friends/sisters out. my maid of honor said that if she meets the right guy and gets married ill be in her wedding. shes a trip. the reason its only my dads side going is because its at my bridesmaids house and my moms side has no freaking clue where it is...lol...little hilltown, called huntington. thats where we went to school together and met. snapshot is still taking my pics for the wedding. i cant wait. but i really am getting extremely nervous. instead of me buying cake and bringing it to the lady to decorate it, shes just going to make it, and it will cost a LOT less than it would if i brought her the cake and such. lol. it wont cost 150 for it. she said since its going to be under 50 people itll be easier for her to make it herself. shes gonna put edible glitter on it. awesome! real carnations. i dont like roses, and since tulips are a spring flower they would be more expensive in the summer we went with carnations. im making the bouquets and boutonierres, myself. already have the table decos done, gonna get fake flower petals to deco the tables with too, other than the candles. and so maddy can throw them on the ground with her sisters help. ok, music is helping my nerves a very tiny bit. think thats it for now