it was a GREAT day yesterday!

spent the day at my best friends house. the kids had presents they needed to exchange, so up to her house we drove. an hour and a half away. madison got sick in the car but was fine by time we got there. she had fun playing and running around with her kids. they liked the presents we got them and madison loved the presents they got her. lots of pictures were taken, by her since my camera is completely dead. brian and my dad had another guy to hang out with, the kids were playing together all day, and me and her had time to chill out while watching the kids. we even made the men watch them for a little bit. it was a great day. we brought the dog with us. her cats werent too thrilled about it, but her son loved having him there but her daughter didnt, she was afraid of him. but thats ok, maybe as we hang out more and more she will get used to having the dog around and having fun and playing with him. her son took her daughters doll and carriage and was playing with that for a little bit, then she played with for a little bit. they played on the broken down toy jeep that someone had to push. they loved it. they shared and her kids actually talked a little more than normal. dunkin tried getting at her rabbit, but luckily he was in his cage so dunkin couldnt get him. im still worn out from yesterday. it was great getting out of the house for a while. had a great lunch, steak, hot dogs and hamburgers, macaroni and pasta salads, the kids really had fun. which was good. i like that theres a couple of kids madisons age she can play with even if it is a few times a year. this was actually our second meeting, on her turf. next time will be on my turf at my wedding. im sure the kids will have a blast then too. they will have so much room to run around in (huge giant field to run in) horses to see, goats to see, dogs too. plus food and music. hopefully it will be nice out so we dont have to have the ceremony in the garage. even so we will have a tent, so whatever. im probably just worried over nothing, but im also getting nervous because its two months away. this lady who has my dress needs to bring it back to me. i really need to have it here. we brought her son a thomas the tank engine toy, and when he woke from his nap, he loved it. madison came home with a toy kitchen which is outside and a doll high chair, a pair of sneakers an outfit a doll and two pairs of pants. she loves it all. she even slept with her new baby doll last night til her teeth woke her up screaming. then i put orajel on her paci, stuck it in her mouth and she went back to sleep in my bed.

damn it

so today is madisons birthday, the big 2. and you would think that that would be important enough for asshole to stay home instead of going job hunting, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. job hunting is MORE important than his daughter. oh and not to mention i told him LAST NIGHT that i wanted to finish cleaning our room. yeah apparently HIS NEEDS AND WANTS ARE MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT. so it is day 1 of the silent treatment, and he will know im pissed at him by time he comes home because i havent said a damn word to him since he decided he needed to go TODAY. just mumbles under my breath. yep, im done talking to him, think he will sleep on the couch tonight and hes not getting any for a while. fuck it, theres no point anyways. oh and nevermind that its fucking sleeting out. job hunting can be done TOMORROW when its NOT madison birthday and its nicer out. fucking asswipe. so now i get to deal with a very unhappy 2 yr old. because her daddy couldnt stay home. i told him that it could wait, and to stay home today, his excuse "im always home" i said "no, actually YOURE NOT, I AM" im am just rip shittin pissed today. and of course i have good reason too.

LAZY LAZY LAZY

for real? you make eggs for breakfast and put the eggshells in a frying pan from last night. really, the garbage can is less than 10 feet from you. i have a TON to clean before saturday, yes in two days. it doesnt help any when no one can do the stupid dishwasher. so now not only do i have to take care of the laundry thats FOLDED on the couch, i have to completely clean the flipping living room and kitchen. because some people cant do it. so while hes out looking for a job, i have to do this AND take care of a temper tantrum throwing toddler. yeah say that one five times fast. luckily that toddler who will be 2 on monday, is laying down on the living room floor on a blanket with a couch pillow, another blanket on top of her, plus 3 blankies, a cup of milk, a cup of juice, a baby doll and a fur real friends baby chipmunk, that she tries to feed, while im boiling eggs for lunch, for egg salad, not that i actually expect madison to eat the bread. she will only eat PLAIN bread as long as theres nothing on it unless its toast then she has to have butter and peanut butter on it. other than that, she wont eat bread unless its right out of the bag. little weirdo. well my new best friend cant come to the party since her truck is broke and her husbands car is broke and there is no other vehicle available for her to use. DAMN IT. guess she and i will have to do a meet up just to exchange the kids presents...when her truck is fixed. i will bring her kids goody bags when we do a meet up. damn shame she cant make it, i was looking forward to seeing her again. now i have a bigger mess to clean up. grr...plus have to clean out the stupid toy box because people like to throw dirty clothes and stuff thats NOT toys in it. kinda pissing me off. i swear i know im lazy but i have an excuse, my hips constantly hurt, but everyone else EXCEPT my dad. dad works 10 hours a day 5 days a week, then does side jobs. like today hes going to help his friend with his truck. the ignition is shot. the key just spins in the ignition. yeah, but still, really cant clean up after yourself, youre almost 30 for freaking  crying outloud. im not your mommy, and shes a pyscho.

blech...sickness hit this house last week

the house to myself, so why is it i have all these things to do? clean the living room, fold mountain of flipping laundry, thats been growing for 4 days, finish laundry out on the porch, and flip clean my hellhole room. oh and run to the store in this freezing weather...yuck. omg shes at it again, fucking pyscho, already called twice today. yeah, NOT answering the phone. she will live. obviously if brian doesnt answer hes not home and she KNOWS i wont answer the phone. really, i mean, we have lives and they dont revolve around her. so anyways, the day after my birthday, we all got sick, well me, brian and dad did. we all threw up and pissed out our asses. NOT fun, but i had it bad, brians wasnt as  bad as mine, and well dads was not as bad as mine either, but he was at my aunts house, so i didnt see him get sick, but he told me he did. my big mouth 12 yr old told him about the camera being dead. damn her, i was going to lie to him. then again, he would have found out the truth anyways. madison was sick two days prior to the rest of us getting sick, EXCEPT mack. not fair. pepto bismol and gingerale were my best friends those two days. thursday and friday i was sick, got better just in time for the weekend. i cant wait for next saturday, my new best friend is coming over for the party. we text almost every day, or talk on fb. but only seen each other once, three weeks ago, i think, wow. yes it has to be two or three weeks, because my camera died that same day thanks to kids dunking it in hot cocoa. little brats, but i still blame brian. has to be two weeks ago, because we met up the day i got my food stamps. so yes two weeks ago. lol...wow that was totally random thoughts there...lol...i cannot believe in a week im going to have a 2 yr old. CRAP, where did the time go? stupid stereo keeps skipping songs. nothing like a little AC/DC in the morning. another thing to do on the wedding front, burn cds, including one that has the wedding march on it. damn it, we already decided our song is going to be "amazed" by lonestar. love that song and i dont really like country...lol...well more like I decided that was going to be our song. oh, pants would be good for me to put on (relax im in pjs bottoms, you pervs...lol) to go to the store, but they needed to be washed because when you piss out of your ass, things happen. my pjs bottoms have scottish terriers on them...lol...isnt it funny, i got these pjs before i got dunkin who happens to be a scotty. lol...must find one of my favorite tshirts...JR. lol...so i can wash my sweatshirt of JR. no, i dont like JR at all...LMAO. madison is a nut, she put catfood in my jacket pocket, though im not sure why? little weirdo, she takes after her daddy. this past wednesday was the big 33rd birthday for me. and i wanted my birthday sex, well he fell asleep before i could get any, so in july when he hits the big 3-0, hes NOT getting any...lol. how many more times do you think she will call? i vote 100.

i actually had fun

yesterday we celebrated my birthday on my dads side, it was awesome. ive never had THAT much fun up in the country (same place my wedding is going to be). for the very first time in 16 years i actually got on an ATV. i had a few bad experiences on a trike, thanks to my brother. whenever i wanted to ride, he would drive and purposely go through the field and find all of the holes and make me fall off, even when my dad put a seat on the back for me. it just made it easier for my brother to make me fall off, jerk. well anyways, i was kind of worried about driving macks quad, but thought, might as well get it over with, and if i dont like it i dont have to drive it ever again, well, i drove it and had a flipping blast. couldnt get me off the damn thing. lol. i even took maddy for a ride, but she didnt like it, probably because of the noise. and she was good all day even WITHOUT a nap. in total for my brithday so far, just from my dads side, i got 41 bucks. NICE. i got ten in the mail on saturday from my gram (the one that just lost my grandpa last month) yesterday i got a check for 25, awesome, so i signed it over to my dad and he gave me the cash and my dad got me three scratch tickets. he spent 6 dollars (they were 2 apiece) and on one i got 4 bucks and another 2, lol, so i got 6 bucks. lol. so it was a great day even though i had a slamming headache all day and i had been up for many many hours. me and my new best friend were texting throughout the day. it was great. stopped at the store to get cigs on our way home, and i was carded, of course the ONE time i DONT have my i.d. i get carded. son of a bitch. i mean i realize i dont look my age, but i certainly dont look under 27. by time we got home last night at seven thirty, i was exhausted, so i dragged my butt up to bed, and i was out before 8. and slept til 4. yes, a whole 8 hours, i dont even remember madison coming into our room, but maybe she never left our room, i dont know, i was just too tired. i know i turned on the tv and was starting to watch an episode of SVU, and beyond that i dont remember anything. i feel so energized this morning, and not grumpy. maybe i just needed a day of fresh air to wear me out so i could sleep. normally i dont get out of the house because i have so much crap to do inside, that it was nice to get out for ten hours and it was a beautiful day out yesterday. so i spent the majority of it outside, took a couple walks, with madison, but up there its mud country so we brought along her new trailer/stroller. she loved it. she got all dirty and muddy, but its a good thing i ALWAYS bring a change of clothes AND a pair of pjs for her. by time we left, she was already in her pjs so i didnt have to fight her to get her into them when we got home, and she fell asleep in the van, on the way home, woke up when we got home i took her jacket off and she went back to sleep. i dont know if brian put her in her own room or not. because by time he got up to bed, i was already asleep. and most times if i fall asleep before him, and if im so tired that i just go to sleep without even realizing it, just because of sheer exhaustion, i dont take my glasses off. so he ends up taking them off for me. i know he took them off last night for me, because i was just done. so fun...every weekend they go up there, theyre going to take maddy with them, because i have cousins who will watch her, so i can have time to myself. i need that occasionally too. usually when its just me in the house, i stay in bed and watch tv, i usually get sundays to myself so i can watch the entire race in peace. its great. i think next sunday brians going back up to help with sugaring, it will be the last week for it, so he will take maddy and i will be left all by my lonesome...LMAO.

holy cow

today is dont piss off becky day...its a day that is suited to me today. im running on very little sleep, and that tends to make me very grumpy. so anyways, pyscho called and asked if brian could "work" but we know it means "babysit" so he wont get paid. well, he TRIED to tell her she needs to give more notice, not an hour and a half, so i yelled, yes YELLED, "HE HAS A FUCKEN LIFE LET HIM FUCKING LIVE IT" to paraphrase. lmao. she did not like it. and i dare her to say anything to brian about my attitude or even attempt to talk to me, because that will also be a frozen day in hell. ok so my day just got an eensy bit better, im talking about birthday cards, and in one of those cards contained some money...lol...10 dollars just totally made my day better...lol...i wonder how much more ill get tomorrow when i go to middlefield for a party just for me. lol, prolly nothing, but hey i like getting birthday cards early...lol...since wednesday is my big 33rd birthday...money is money is money and if his mother didnt wanna pay him to go "babysit", then why do it? oh and get this...i want to know how she would be able to pay me back if i bought her a frozen lasagna if she didnt have the money to pay brian? yeah, if she has the money to buy a frozen lasagna then she can go do it her damn self, fucking lazy whore. one of the cards, not the one that contained the 10 dollars, my uncle wrote his name. hes so funny. it was from one of my aunts (one of his sisters) so he signed his name. silly. he calls me a beaut, when i was younger i was a yard ape. im not sure where he came up with that one but we were always outside playing so i guess thats where he got it. hes the youngest of 5. yes, 5, i had to think for a second. my mom was the middle of 6, yep, got that right. and its funny because on both sides the youngest is a boy and there are only two boys on each side. on my dads side for boys its dad and my uncle on my moms side its my two uncles.

REALLY? are you serious?

bahahaha, his mother called this morning (yep, surprise surprise) and wanted to know if I had any money left on my food stamps. well as a matter of fact, YES I DO THANK YOU VERY MUCH...she only wanted to know because she wanted me to buy her a frozen lasagna for dinner and she would pay me back, yeah thats gonna happen in frozen hell. she must be on crack. first off why would i take food out of my kids mouths to feed her, and second, she wont pay me back anyhow. so yeah NOT doing that one. why should i be nice to her when she treats me and mack like shit. yeah im not stupid, i may be blond but definately not stupid and i know when im getting screwed over. dinner turned out great last night, corned beef, cabbage, carrots, and potatoes. we had 2 extra guests over for dinner last night, my aunt whom i take grocery shopping every month and brians dad. i only wish my new best friend was here for dinner with her kids. that would have been even more fun. we decided yesterday we were best friends. we have so much in common and maddy and her two kids are around the same age. we have met, and the kids were weary of each other, not sure what to think, but weve only met once. we will meet again for madisons birthday party. and shes going to be my photographer for my wedding. so cant wait. really need to get some more funds for that. if only brian hadnt spent it on things not related to the wedding, but on the plus side brians dad said when we figure out how much more we need he will give it to us. the man is a saint, let me tell you. he saved Christmas for us last year by giving us money for gifts for the kids and we even managed to have some left over to buy him something. well its official, my camera is dead. DAMN IT. i loved that thing. guess its time to fess up to my dad and tell him one of the kids put it in hot cocoa on monday. damn it. mack blames maddy, maddy cant blame mack cuz she doesnt know, i mean shes not even 2 yet. but i can blame whoever i want and i choose to blame brian because instead of paying attention to what they were doing while i went to the store, he was on the computer. so its his fault. he wont own up to it, but it is his fault. then he gets pissed at the kids for something they shouldnt be doing when hes supposed to be watching them. he gets mad at the baby when she gets into something shes not supposed to or doing something shes not supposed to because he would rather pay attention to the computer or his stupid video games. JERK. me on the other hand can multi task. right now the baby is sleeping and when she wakes up its lunch time. after that play time and when her father gets home from therapy, which i hope is soon cuz i need a nap, i will take a nap, maybe. depending on when he decides to come home. if its after 2 i cant nap, but anytime before then i can. weird. so waiting for a package. or maybe 6 who knows i like surprise packages especially things i forgot i ordered and they come or things ive won and they come, kind of neat.