been almost 2 yrs since i posted...WOW

ok, so last october hubby let his best friend move in. the agreement was that he would help pay the bills and help out around the house once in a while. fatass hasnt paid me in 2 months *3 if you count this month* for bills, theyre fucking sky high because he hasnt given me anything. then when we said we need 350 for the bills he had the nerve to ask whats he gonna live on for a month, um fatfuck what are we gonna live on for a fucking WEEK? we found out that maddy needs special ed and an iep. she has a developmental delay. she will be going on disability because of it. in my state a child with a learning disability and needing special ed can be on disability. in feb we got into 2 rear end accidents within 12 days of each other. that was fun...NOT. the first one was on the 4th of feb and when the guy hit us, i got out of the truck and got on the phone with 911. he saw i was on the phone with the cops and said "oh no no, you dont have to do that" as soon as i hung up with them, i yelled "the fuck i dont, you hit us, you damaged my vehicle, my kids are in there" brian was shaking, i was ready to punch the fucker in the face. when the cops got there, they gave us the information exchange form with the guys info on it. when brian got out first the fucker who hit us pretended he didnt speak english until i was on the phone. so much for his "i no speaka english" bit. we went to the e.r. to get checked out. noone was seriously injured we were stopped for a red light and there was traffic in front of us as well as the side of us (we were trying to get in the left lane to turn). as for the second one, we were bringing my FIL to catch a bus, we were STOPPED to turn left once again and the car behind us nailed us. she got a bent license plate we got a completely broken bumper. yet once again, the kids were in the car, when the cop got there, he saw the back bumper of the truck and FACEPALMED. that was pretty funny. so we did the whole call the insurance company thing again, we were going to give it back to the bank (too expensive and needed 9,000 in repairs BEFORE the two accidents) we gave it back as is, and when the idiot came to pick it up (was already off the road, no plates and no insurance) he drove it pretty quick up the back of his tow truck. i watched him. the bank ended up junking it because apparently the tow truck driver did more damage than what was already on it. dumbass. so back to the fatfuck. he hasnt given me any money for the last 3 months for the bills. all he does is EAT AND SLEEP. im sorry but i believe the conditions of you living here was YOU HELP PAY BILLS AND HELP CLEAN. not eat and sleep all the fucking time. then he expects us to give him rides places. um no, if you dont contribute to household bills and housework, then start fucking walking. i have bad hips and i still walk everywhere. he said hes gonna try to get his license back, ill stay home then. he has diabetes, so eating all that he does is NOT good for him. all he drinks is diet soda. try water sometimes asshole. i told hubby not to let him move in but he didnt listen. because i KNEW this shit would happen, but what do i know? he had a shitfit because we werent gonna put cable in his room, so we put cable in his room, he dont watch it. really? asshole. on our internet (another bill hes supposed to help pay, cable/internet) he has 2 tablet, a laptop, a bluray player, his phone, and his ps3. he has a cpap machine which uses up ALOT of electricity. i want to strangle the fat fuck but my hands wont reach around his fat throat.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

yeah, its just not been a good few weeks. found out that my foodstamps were cut by 28 bucks, went from 112 to 84, ya wanna tell me how to feed a family of 4 on 84/month? really? even the best extreme couponer cant do that. when i first got on foodstamps i got over 700 for a family of four, ok, no big deal, i was able to help one of my aunts out who was going thru a divorce at the time, we would go shopping together and still have money left over, then it dropped to 415, ok, again, no problem was able to still help her out a little, but not like before, hubby got a second job, dropped it to 112 last year, ok, now weve got problems, i could barely feed us on that a month, we had to supplement a LOT, which caused a lot of problems, with overdraft and bounced checks, he lost his second job two months ago, because our van broke down with a bad transmission, then yesterday i called my foodstamp card to see how much im getting and let me tell you i am HEATED about losing 30 bucks. instead of going UP like its supposed to, it went down severely, i mean, really? if i dont get a letter stating WHY it dropped today, im calling my caseworker and she WILL have to explain to me WHY. which means since i cant afford to feed 4 of us, one doesnt eat, and thats usually me, but whatever, as long as hubby and the kids eat, whatever. i can go without for a few days, im already fat enough as it is, why do i need to eat? and yes im highly depressed this time of year, especially because 5 yrs ago i lost my son (my youngest daughters twin brother), not being able to feed my family, hell i cant even do thanksgiving dinner like i was planning, my mom dying 6 days before christmas, christmas itself, because i cant even buy the kids gifts without borrowing money from my father in law, who is a freaking SAINT. really, i just wish we could skip nov/dec and be done with it. weve been cutting out a LOT of stuff, i dont buy brand name shit, i dont buy snacks, i cant even really afford fucking HAMBURGER, yeah, hamburger is fucking expensive too. i dont buy juice, cant really buy much milk, so ive had to cut the kids back on that as well, im sick of rice/beans or pasta and i know the kids are too and i know brian is too, but when thats all the fucking food pantries give you, yeah it SUCKS. cant buy the kids fresh fruit, hell i cant even fucking afford canned fruit or frozen fruit. cant go out to eat, cant have fast food, thats all a TREAT when we get it. im tired of fucking hot dogs, because it seems thats the ONLY fucking kind of protein i can afford, i cant even afford a jar of fucking peanut butter or a loaf of fucking bread. cost of living is going UP, paychecks are going DOWN. ya know, people need to fucking realize that there ARE people who actually fucking NEED foodstamps, and those people are not always (not to sound racist here because IM NOT) black with 30 kids, and their husbands arent drug dealers and they dont drive fancy fucking cars. but it seems those are the people who get the most. hubbys brother/sil get 900+ in foodstamps, plus 900+ in WELFARE, plus 8,000/month from SSI because 4 of their 7 kids are stupid, plus they fucking work SOMETIMES as EMT'S really? and they cant AFFORD to pay their bills? hell if brian and i tried that shit, wed probably end up in jail. oh and they have section 8, so that means they pay a certain amount for rent every month. we tried to get on it, denied, we tried to get onto housing, denied, oh right i forgot WERE HONEST, we dont milk the system. right, because being honest isnt heard of anymore, theyll give liars much more than anyone who is fucking HONEST. i give up, i just wont eat ever again, if it means the kids/hubby have something to eat. i really hope that my dad gives me some money from the check he got for helping someone move, brian helped too, and he was going to give us half of it, we told him to keep 50 of it to go towards bills *we pay half, he pays the other half because who the fuck can live on 344/week? even with budgeting* ive tried getting on SSI but the fucking doctors tell me i can work as tolerated, how the fuck can i work as tolerated when i cant even stand for more than 5 mins without being in fucking pain, and i can barely walk 100 feet without being in pain, but the drs all say i can work as tolerated. ive been to 3 fucking drs who are all orthopedists, because the pain is in my hip joints, which are what folks? BONES and what are orthopedists? BONE DRS. theyve taken MRIs and xrays, they find nothing wrong, ok so im imaging the fucking pain? ok, according to them i am, im not. no pain killers work, not even percocets, NOTHING works. since we got the van fixed a month ago (last payment this week for the work the garage did on the tranny) we will have an extra 50 but thats still not much because even shopping at the fucking dollar store you cant get anything for a fucking dollar anymore, cat litter, cat food, is more than a fucking dollar, laundry detergent is not a dollar. diapers, forget it, 10.50 for 40 STORE BRAND dollar store diapers. are you kidding me, i dont think i have any CLEAN clothes, and honestly (yes its gross) but ive been wearing the same outfit for the last two weeks because i have no clean clothes/cant find my fucking clothes so i can fucking wash them. havent worn socks in 4 months (even when i have my shoes on, i still dont have socks on) because every time i wash some for me, my 14 yr old swipes them or my hubby swipes them. im surprised they havent tried to swipe my fucking underwear (which honestly i only wear one week a month, and we all know why) i refuse to wear bras unless im going over to someones house. i dont have a lot of clothes, maybe 4 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of sweats and maybe 4 pairs of pj pants, lots of shirts which i DONT get to wear because hubby swipes them even though he has clean shirts/underwear/pants/socks/pjs. just the load of laundry i did today was his/socks/one of my fucking shirts. just one, no pants for me, cant find any to wash. sometimes i think about ending my life, then i think about where the kids would be or where hubby would be, and i just cant. ive suffered with depression for the last 26 years, medication DOESNT work. i refuse to take it anyways. and honestly i believe there is a GOD, but i DONT believe in him, simply because it seems we get things on track and something else gets thrown in and fucks it all up again. SERIOUSLY i just cant catch a fucking break. my insomnia has gotten worse, i wont go to sleep til 2 or 3 in the morning and get up between 4 and 5 and up til 2 or 3 the next morning. i dont take naps/cant take them. 4 yr old doesnt take naps anymore, so that means mommy cant nap. im always snappyish because my mind fucking races about what their next meal is gonna be, i could care less what i eat, or when i eat, which lately i dont. i havent eaten since sunday night and all i had that night was mashed potatoes and butternut squash because there wasnt enough chicken. ok, stick with me here, 2 pieces of chicken, cut in half, equals 4 right? and you wanna know how  i figure there wasnt enough for all of us, well its simple, we had one of hubbys friends here for dinner, so therefor there was the 4th person to have chicken. sure they all felt bad i didnt have any thing but potatoes and squash for dinner, but when theres not enough, theres not enough. maybe if i go blind by time im 40 i can finally get on disability, which is in like 4.5 yrs. honestly i wouldnt be surprised if im blind by then, since it seems my eyes get worse every time i get them checked, im due for that next year. and i KNOW my eyes have gotten worse. oh well, yeah this isnt supposed to a PITY post but i guess thats what its turned into, so sorry if you really dont wanna or dont care to read about my problems.

idiot people and random shit

theres a bunch of idiots i know, two of which are getting no contact orders put on them. we were informed that mil and the thing she calls her husband, called DCF on us, claiming we neglect/abuse the kids and the house is unlivable. so they came over last week, and found NOTHING that they claimed was going on, happening. our caseworker is coming over again tomorrow just to do a quick check, all she saw was problems with flies (every freaking house has them), the kitchen table was sticky, and the fridge wasnt clean, and the kids room needed to be cleaner than it was. mil claimed that the house was falling apart, um its just a couple ceilings which weve fixed, and they werent were the kids are (except the stairs which is where we first repaired) yes our room needs to have the ceiling fixed, we havent gotten to it yet, but it will be done, and they didnt need to see in our room. she also claimed that mack is the only one who changes maddy, that brian is the ONLY one who gives maddy a bath and thats ONLY on sundays, that theres old food and mold on the kitchen counters, the house is always a mess, just bullshit like that. my house may NOT always be clean, but it gets picked up everyday, theres NEVER old food/mold on my kitchen counters, ya know since they get cleaned EVERYDAY, mack doesnt change maddy im the ONLY one who does, because she doesnt like anyone else changing her, and im the one who give maddy a bath 3-4x a week because brian is usually zonked out either right after dinner or just after 7. bath is at 730, so its right before bedtime. so the caseworker will be here tomorrow for a quick check, and the case will be closed. karma got mil but good, ok so i helped in that dept by putting a curse on her, that i didnt know i could do til after i did it, she had a stroke 3 hours after she made her claim to DCF. lmfao. serves her right, and NO im NOT lifting the curse, yes shes still alive, and thats my doing, because im making her life a living hell. and its FUNNY! when he goes to get the no contact order on them, hes going to put the kids names on it as well as mine and his, because we want them to have NO contact with any of us. that means they wont be able to call, come over, see the kids if they go near the kids theyll be arrested, if they try to contact us theyll be arrested oh yes, karma (and me) got them real good. they wanted to play that game, i played it BETTER. they dont realize who theyre messing with.

so last week i won an entire CASE of little debbie brownies on twitter, yes a WHOLE CASE of them, ill be getting them today, i cant wait, we dont usually have snacks in the house, but we will now. the box weighs 16lbs, thats ALOT of snacks. i have to reserve a few boxes. one to one of my cousins who borrowed my big cooler and hes going to give me that back plus a box of salt water taffy for letting them borrow the cooler, plus hes going to pick up his box of brownies, my dad a box, my sister a box and hubbys best friend a box. so thats 4 boxes the rest are MINE ALL MINE, IM NOT SHARING. yes i will. lol. the kids like to snack sometimes, and if anyone else thinks theyre getting any, theyre on crack. little debbie brownies are MY crack, lmao, well so is pepsi, but i havent won any pepsi. damn wish i could though. i really thought i was seeing things when little debbie announced last week that i won a whole case of snacks, i kept looking at my twitter to make sure i was seeing right. lmao. i think its valued at like 100 dollars or something, idk.

friday is my dads 59th birthday, i already gave him his present from us, it was a 90 dollar pic on canvas that i had done for free, all i had to do was write a review. i KNOW after i gave it to him, he started to tear up and thats because it was a pic of my mom. ive only seen him cry 3x in my life. the first time was when my twin was killed, the second when my mom died and then when i gave him his birthday present early. he recently moved out, so its just me, brian and the kids here in the house. now we have extra bedrooms. the one room that was my dads room has been converted into the guest/tv room, there is NO tv in the living room anymore. i was going to make it the play room, but since theres a bed in there, its now the guest room. when we fix the back bedroom, ill probably turn THAT into the play room. to get all the freaking toys out of the living room/kids room. and trust me, ive already gone thru all the toys several times, tossed whats broken/they dont play with anymore. right now maddy has a fascination with thomas the train engine, NOTHING wrong with that, but she does like girly toys too, like dolls. i just recently got a polly pocket for free and as soon as that came in, they both attacked it and wanted to play with it. lol.

just stuff

the kittens are now 7 weeks old. Chuck Norris (or as maddy calls him, chuck norns, lol) Miracle (ill tell the story of her name in a few) Cocoa, Checkers, and Tyke. everytime they see me, they run up to me and LAUNCH themselves at my legs to climb. they call me the "crazy kitten lady" lol. if i sit on they floor and they spot me, theyll all run over to me to climb, apparently im a kitten jungle gym. little crazies. they eat solid food now, drink water from a dish, and they like people food. but we only give them that once a week. they use the litter pan (literally one of my cookie sheets as a litter pan, the litter box is too big for them to get into)

ALL 5 on me. starting at top left: checkers, chuck norris, tyke, miracle and cocoa

3 on my back. left to right: tyke, chuck norris and checkers

today is hubbys bday. hes 32. though a couple months ago he tried to make me think he was going on 33. then i said to him "oh, so you were born in '80, not '81?" he said "no, i was born in '81" i told him "so that would make you turning 32, dumbass" my mind may be slipping, but my brother is 1 yr older than him. dingledorf.

next wednesday is going to be a BAD day for me. it will be 26 yrs since i last saw my twin brother. yes, that was the day he was killed. oh i KNOW hes around me at all times, and we STILL have the twin connection, we ALWAYS will, but its just the fact that hes not here physically. i often wonder what he would be like, if he would have any kids, if he would be married. stuff like that.

made this last year for his anniversary

so onto how miracle got her name. a few weeks ago, we had to bring her to the emergency vet. she wasnt acting right, not walking, pooping on herself, so i had hubby bring her. they said that her heart rate was low, her temp was low, and they gave her a 50/50 chance. and what caused all of this was MINOR head trauma, while we DONT know how she got it, hubby told the vet that our 4 yr old was running while holding her and she tripped. and thats what weve gone with since we DONT know how. i stayed up all that night, worried about the little girl, figuring that at ANY time the vet would call in the middle of the night to tell me she didnt make it. NO phone call, so i called the next morning and asked how she was doing. the vet said "shes eating breakfast, whatever her head trauma was resolved itself overnight, shes doing great. shes playing and acting like a normal kitten, i was going to call right after she had breakfast" i asked him "if she hadnt made it, would you have called in the middle of the night?" he said "with a kitten this young, yes i would have, you didnt sleep cuz you thought i would call right?" i said "thats right" he said "well you can come pick her now, shes ready to go home to play with her siblings, and have some of moms milk" so i ran into the house and said very excitedly (and tears in my eyes) "we can go get her, shes ready, come on lets go" we were all out of the house and on our way to get her within 5 mins. she cost us 150 dollars, so we decided to keep her too (and cocoa, since hes a male calico. when shes old enough shes getting fixed, and so is her mother. it was a miracle she survived, so thats what we named her.

hubbys mother (yes my MIL) and his step father want us to move in with them. while yes it WILL help us save money til we can save enough for our OWN place, i have a few problems...mainly they like to criticize, i foresee a LOT of arguing between us and them. and no privacy. i told brian, give me 350 dollars, ill go to the bank to clear my debt and we can get a damn loan for a freaking house. oh another issue is they wont allow me to bring my kitty zoo. sorry but im not giving up ANY of my cats. two of them are 10 fucking years old. 2 are 1 yr old maybe a little older and the two babies. ive had to give up cats to move before and i REFUSE to do it again. while yes it was my decision to do so, but it would have been torture for them to be stuck in a laundry basket for two days. and yes they were brothers, but they were 5 1/2 yrs old. we brought them to the humane society right before we left. my mom brought them in and told them they were both fixed, they were good with small children, they were both polydactyl, up to date on shots, good with other cats and good with dogs. since they were raised around all of the above. they were sweet boys. i loved them. their names were christopher and salem. salem being all black. christopher (or as mack used to call him kissyfur) was gray/white tiger striped.  they were both adopted out within an hour, to the same house. because thats what my mom told them. they HAD to go together, they couldnt be separated. my dad went to get them later that day and found out that they were already adopted.

i know its been few months

ok, so i know its been a few months since i last made a blog post. one of brians friends moved in, did nothing all day but sleep. well saturday, he threw a cup because the kids put a worm NEAR him, not on him, but near him, and he threw a hard plastic cup, nearly hitting the kids and me. i yelled at him to get up and pick it up, then he had a shitfit because i woke him up. and said "i cant sleep at night, i cant sleep during the day, when am i supposed to sleep?" i yelled "i cant sleep at night but you dont see me sleeping all fucking day" he left, havent seen him since, and its a good thing, because of that cup incident, i kicked him out. when he comes to get his stuff, im giving him 20 mins to get it all out of my house or ill throw it away. im sorry you dont throw stuff and nearly hit kids and expect to stay here. nope dont happen. then hes causing all kinds of shit because he got kicked out. he told brians piece of shit lazy ass lying brother that brian did a truck run, meaning he went to new hampshire on saturday to pick up 5 budget trucks, now we know those are infamous for drug smugglers, but the trucks he went to pick up were right from the warehouse, and they had staties with k-9 units to make sure, then they drove them to troy ny. so his lying sack of shit brother stopped by last night, now he has NOTHING to do with brian unless hes trying to start shit, which is what he was doing last night, then he told me AND brian to stop yelling at him, i told him "look you lying piece of shit, youre on MY property, i can and WILL yell if i fucking want to. dont like it? then fucking leave, and IM older than you so RESPECT YOUR FUCKING ELDERS"  he wouldnt stop being a liar so i said "im gonna have to ask  you to get off my property and leave, please" he didnt leave when i asked NICELY for him to leave, so i told him "get the fuck off my property, ive asked nicely, you didnt listen, leave now" it took 10 minutes for him to leave. can not stand him. all he does is put brian down. his mother and i have been getting along lately, and its really scary. she comes here during the day on weekends cuz of her health, she cant be left alone, so she comes here.

mack is a high school freshman in sept. i got her report card AND schedule in the mail. 4 A's 4 B's and 1 C. she was accepted into the vocational program at one of the high schools, the high school of her choice, which is one of the harder high schools.

we now have 5 kittens they will be 4 weeks on wed. they were born june 3rd. the 4 boys are already claimed, and the one little girl, hasnt been claimed. one of the boys were keeping because hes calico. theres an all black one, he has been claimed by one of my dads coworkers and she named him of all things, CHUCK NORRIS. yeah. the calico were keeping is named cocoa. the black/white one is named checkers and hes going to my sister. one of the striped ones (the boy) is named tyke, and hes going to my neighbor. the only one left is MS MOUTH, why is she named that? because shes loud. i know it looks like i took pics of the same kitten over and over for the last three, but i can tell ya, i did not

checkers

chuck norris, yes he has an eye cold

cocoa

tyke

ms. mouth

dumb people

    Mack had a school project last month that she spent at LEAST 20 HOURS on, and the freaking teacher gave her a D, yep a D, a 64. she spent 3 Sundays talking to my grandma about it since she couldn't talk to my grandpa (he was in the air force during WWII, and passed away 2 years ago). she did a LOT of research for the project, including working on a visual, which was a diorama. She took a shoe box and put blue and green construction paper in it, blue for the sky, green for the grass, and HAND DREW 2 airplanes that she saw on the internet, glued them into place and added other details, like a person working on the plane on the ground, then her WRITTEN report which was supposed to be in journal entry form, he said was written in TIMELINE form, um NO, i checked her report it was indeed JOURNAL ENTRY form. the teacher is a douche bag. we all know what a timeline looks like and we all know what a journal entry looks like. EX:    TIMELINE:

• BLAH BLAH BLAH

1. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
2. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
3. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

• BLAH BLAH BLAH

1. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
2. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
3. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

• BLAH BLAH BLAH

1. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
2. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
3. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

am i wrong here?

               JOURNAL ENTRY:

                                                                                                                            date
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

                                                                                                                              date
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

right?

she did the JOURNAL ENTRY type and he said it was wrong, why? because she put TWO different DATES on the same page. ive asked for a meeting with him, if he refuses, i CAN and WILL get him fired. ive done it before and ill do it again.

her second grade teacher, LET her be BULLIED in the water fountain line, and did NOTHING. i called a meeting with her, we met, nothing changed, so i went to the school board and got her fired. i wasnt the only one to complain about this teacher, but when they heard she let a child be BULLIED while she stood there and did nothing, that was it for them, they fired her and she lost  her teaching license, because of it.

personally i think the teacher needs to go back to english class and LEARN writing styles, like seriously? you said it was wrong? um no, im a writer, i know the freaking difference between the two. one of my passions is WRITING. whether it be blog posts or short stories or letters. and no ones ever read my short stories because well, theyre like my journal, i dont like letting other people read them, theyre personal.

NONE of the kids like this teacher, hes a wicked asshole. ive consulted with one of my best guy friends (the one i wrote about earlier this month) and he said he would come up and kick the teachers ass. hes always called her HIS pumpkin (red hair) shes ALWAYS been HIS. shes not his child biologically but he always called her his. ever since we met 13 yrs ago. hes really protective of her (and me and maddy, or as he calls her squirt) and he doesnt even know maddy...lol...

Mack

Maddy

the two girls. and yes they look very much like ME.

i dont know...

    On sunday we went to VT to my niece/nephews birthday party, was a GREAT DAY. had fun, the kids had fun. well i had an extra kid with me, i had her all weekend, and she LOVED it, well on sunday her foster "dad" called/texted me. i dont know HOW he got my number, i dont know HOW he knew i had her and i dont know HOW he knew i was out of town. i NEVER gave him my number, ON PURPOSE. i DONT like him, so therefor i never gave him my number. her foster mom has my number, and thats only to keep in touch when i have her. she told me she doesnt want to go back to ny, she would rather live with her foster mom, but ultimately she wants to live with me. we got home and there was a note from him, telling me not to let her foster mom have her and to call him when we got home. um no, i had an agreement with her foster mom, i went thru with it. im sorry but im not sending a child into hell because the crackhead foster father wants to do drugs and thats more important than feeding the kids and if they do feed them, its hot dogs while they have steak, NO NO NO NO, SO WRONG. any GOOD parent would give the kids steak and they eat hot dogs, at least thats HOW I AM. and if theres not enough, i go without. when she lived across the street, she would come over everyday, and i didnt mind. and if i fed her (which i did every night she was here) and if there wasnt enough, i made damn sure that the kids ate, my dad ate and brian ate, if i didnt eat that night, i didnt eat, big deal. and dinner time is at a decent time NOT at the kids bedtime, are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? you eat dinner at 9 at night, what fucking crack are you on? and then the kids have to stay awake til after dinner? EAT DINNER AT A FUCKING REASONABLE HOUR. UGH. then ya bitch cuz the kids dont want to get up in the morning, well gee i fucking wonder why. oh and if the kids ask for seconds all they get is veggies, really? if they ask for seconds (which they usually dont at my house because i usually give them enough to fill them up the first time, like any GOOD parent would do, but on the off chance they want more, ill give them another helping of EVERYTHING) yeah, fucking crackheads. cant stand people like that!

       Got another update on my gram, shes well enough to be moved from the ICU to a regular room, and eventually be transferred to my local hospital. she CAN talk, but its like baby talk, you cant really understand her. she DIDNT need the breathing tube, she just had an off day. and thats the latest i know about her.

    One of our neighbors, who owes us 8 grand wants us to take over his truck...dodge durango. i have several problems with it, ONE being thats how hes going to try to get out of paying us back. TWO being its yet another FUCKING bill we CANT afford. THREE, insurance is going to be thru the fucking roof because brians only had his license ONE FUCKING YEAR. WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING MONEY. we have to find another place to fucking live, and hes more fucking concerned about a fucking vehicle. ok, i KNOW its his only mode of transportation, but shouldnt a FUCKING ROOF OVER YOUR FUCKING KIDS HEADS AND YOUR FUCKING HEAD AND YOUR WIFES FUCKING HEAD BE MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT? i would think so. so when we have NO FUCKING MONEY for a fucking apartment, or other bills, dont come fucking crying to me. and he keeps fucking forcing the issue, he keeps forcing it, im going to fucking say no. EVERY FUCKING DAY he has something to say about it, well keep fucking talking about it, cuz its NOT going to fucking happen. he was supposed to save 4 grand from his fucking taxes so we could have money to move into a place, but NO OF FUCKING COURSE NOT, hes worse than a fucking girl. spending money, while im TRYING to fucking save. they all see me just sitting on the fucking computer all day, FALSE, while i may be on the computer the MAJORITY of the day, im not on it ALL day. and when i am on it, its looking for freebies or ways to fucking save money. i get NO appreciation from ANYONE for it. it doesnt fucking matter if the fucking truck has an alarm on it, it doesnt matter that brian has AAA. it all goes by how long youve had your fucking license and shit like that, if he had it for longer than ONE year, YES it would be cheaper, but hes not "experienced" he hasnt had it 5 years.